A Blessing and a Curse Leap Day Magic
by luvinJ
Summary: Bella made a choice and now, for one day every four years, she gets to see her natural path. Is forever with her perfect supernatural family all she dreamed of or would a human life have been better after all? B/J, B/E.
1. Chapter 1

**February 28****th****, 2012- 11:55 p.m.**

After saying goodnight to my husband and daughter- I, Bella Cullen, shut the door to my bedroom. Reaching inside a drawer that housed my 'personal' collection, I pulled out a worn AD/DC t-shirt that had seen better days. I pulled it over my head loving the way it felt on my skin. Crawling under my ridiculously expensive blue silk duvet, for the first time in four years I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

At exactly 12:01 a.m. on February 29th, 2012, leap day, my eyes popped open. I threw off the quilt that had been handed down through three generation of Blacks off my body and looked over at warm bronzed man in the bed next to me, my Jacob. He was sleeping on his stomach, snoring slightly but his face was pointed in my direction, illuminated from the glow of the television.

Unable to control myself, I reached out to trace his face, noticing every feature like it would be the last time I saw it. And it would be, at least for four years.

Four years ago Edward gave me a choice. Leap Day is a magical day for vampires it seemed. They were allowed to live the life they were meant to for as long as their natural life would also have lasted. Once you made the decision to start it, there was no stopping it. Every four years you would be thrown into that life- aging, kids and anything else that was your natural path but only for that one day. Edward also warned me that this was both a blessing and a curse. I took his words to heart and decided I wanted to know.

That journey had taken me on an emotional roller coaster that ended in weeks of recovery from the shock of how much regret I now possessed. There was no time to dwell on that now. It was my magical day and I wanted to spend it with the man I now knew would have made me the happiest.

Bending over I kissed his exposed neck, hoping that would be enough to wake him but he didn't even budge. Though his mind might not be awake, it did appear that my kisses were waking other parts of his anatomy. This was the one day I could undo all the wrong decisions and I was not going to waste one moment.

My hand skimmed over his warm silken skin, down his chest and flat stomach. With no hesitation, I reached out causing him to moan out in pleasure.

"Are you trying to seduce me, Mrs. Black?" he whispered, still half asleep.

"Why are you whispering?" I asked.

"How easy you forget," he chuckled. "Jensen has super sensitive hearing and if you want to finally have some private time, we'd better both be quiet. Do you think you can manage that?" He reached out and took my neck in his large hand before nipping at it.

His supple lips on my pliable skin felt amazing. The sensations of the contact awakened other parts of my body too.

"Oh Jake, I've missed you," I called out a little too loud.

Our movements were halted by the distinctively piercing shrill sound of a baby crying. We both groaned in disappointment.

"Maybe tonight… maybe tonight. You'd better get Jensen before you start leaking again."

His answer confused me but then I felt the wetness seeping through my t-shirt. Shit, I was breastfeeding. How old was this baby? Turning to get out of the bed, I saw a dark wooden cradle obviously made by either Billy or Jacob. They were the only two I knew that possessed that kind of workmanship. I smiled to myself imagining Jacob toiling away for hours but never complaining as he made this cradle for his son.

Quickly I got up as Jensen's cries escalated in intensity. Peering over the side of the cradle, my heart melted when I gazed upon his little fierce face. His tiny hands were clenched into wavy fists of fury and his mouth was open wide as his lungs were being put to the test. He'd kicked off his covers and his legs moved wildly as if he were already trying to walk over to his momma. His momma… me I beamed with pride.

I went to pick him up but a small feeling of panic surged through me. Could I break him? He was so tiny. Nessie was never this small, at least not that I remembered and definitely never this fragile. Pushing that fear back I gently picked him up like the dolls I used to play with as a small girl. Those dolls didn't squirm though and I had to tighten my grip. He didn't seem to mind. Feeling more confident I carried him the few steps back to the bed and sat down. Lifting up my shirt I put him to my breast and was pleased when he latched on like a pro.

For a few moments I just looked at him in awe, gently stroking the side of his face. Now that he was calm I was able to tell his features easier. The mop of black hair was easy to recognize along with the golden tone to his skin. Though his eyes were closed, the shape was more like his fathers than mine. I searched for any sign of me but couldn't find any, not that it mattered. I loved that he was his father's son.

Lost in my own world I barely noticed that Jake had fallen back asleep. That would not do. I only had this one day, twenty-four hours and I couldn't waste a single moment.

"Wake up," I said nudging him with my elbow.

"Sleeping," he responded as he buried his head deeper in the pillow.

"I know but I want to share this with you so get up. You can sleep later." Honestly, I had no intentions of letting him sleep anytime soon.

He opened one eye partially before exhaled loudly, a sign he'd given up. Jake sat up in the bed and put his arm around me. I snuggled in, fitting there perfectly. Fighting back the tears I tried to remember everything about this moment from the feel of his muscles under the silken skin, the sound of his as well as my own heart beating echoing through my ears, and even the smell of the newborn, our newborn, as he drank greedily from my breast.

"I know it's been six weeks but every moment with him is still feels like a gift. After all he was the best twenty-second birthday present a man could ask for. Speaking of presents, I still haven't thanked you properly." There was a strong sexual undertone in his words that caused a tingle to race through my body.

Pulling myself away from those carnal thoughts it dawned on me, Jenson and Jacob shared the same birthday. How perfect! Jake had been so right those many years ago. Our life was meant to be as easy as breathing. Jensen here was the proof. If only for this one day I was going to be a real mom, unlike what I had been to Nessie.

After my first trip back and I'd seen how my love with Jake was real, I put up a barrier with my own daughter. The daughter that was now living the life I should have. Yes I admitted it, everyone knew it. I was jealous of my own child. But we kept up the perfect appearance of a family behind our stone façade. Nothing else would do because we were Cullens.

I shook my head, putting all those thoughts aside. I was here now and needed to savor every fleeting moment. Knowing a lot could change in four years, I needed to see what had happened. Starting a fishing expedition, I asked a simple question. "So what are your plans for later today, babe?"

"I have to deliver that new coffee table over to Charlie and Sue's. Are you sure you don't want to come with? I know you don't want to take Jensen out of the house yet but you know how much Charlie loves seeing his grandson."

"I think I will actually." I was jumping at the chance to see my dad with my son.

"Good. As much as you just want us to stay locked up in our own little cocoon, there is a big world outside these doors, Bells." He kissed the top on my head reassuringly.

"I know," I conceded.

"Looks like someone just wanted a snack. He's already asleep," Jake pointed out. He stood up, took him from my arms and put him gingerly down inside his cradle. Jake kissed the top of his son's head like he had kissed mine so many times over the year before turning to look at me with a hunger in his eyes.

"Looks like someone else wants a mid-night snack," I teased.

"Not a snack… I want a damn buffet. Six weeks is too long," he said as he crawled into the bed. Hovering over me, he put I finger up to his mouth in a shushing motion. "Do you think you can try to be quiet this time?"

I smiled back at him, eagerly nodded my head yes, while Jake's hands were already tugging at my shirt. Jake then spent the next hour reminding me why this was the only place in the world I wanted to be.

XXX

The warmth of his embrace coupled with the complete serenity of the moment was too much and I found myself drifting off…

_I was sitting in Sue's house while she, Leah, Emily, Kim, and even my mother scurried around making me the center of attention. My dad knocked on the door and I knew it was time._

_Suddenly I was holding onto my father's arm, taking huge steps down the runner placed on the beach. I was hurrying to get to Jake. I knew that I wanted forever to start right now. When my dad placed my hand in Jacob's, he smiled. Not a forced one or one hiding something but one full of pride. He was happy I was getting married. I looked around and everyone had that same smile on their faces, including me and Jake._

_The next thing was dancing in the rec center that was decorated so heavily with tulle, lights and flowers, I hardly recognized it. That vision of the dance was followed by cutting the cake, of Embry and Quil giving speeches that made us laugh and one by Leah that made us cry, happy tears but tears none the less. _

_I was then whisked away in the red rabbit with old cans, banners, and blown up condoms all over it. Luckily we were only going down the road to a cabin at the resort…_

_I dreamed of nights filled with passion and days full of laughter, of first days at my job teaching at the La Push School and of Jake proudly displaying the sign on his workshop- BLACK CUSTOM FURNISHINGS. _

_I saw Jake carrying me over the threshold of the cabin he and the other pack members built for us, half a mile from Billy's place. Family dinners, pack gatherings, marriages of friends and births of children all rushed by. _

_It slowed down long enough for me to watch the expression on Jacob's face when, after months of trying, I came out of the bathroom, waving a pee stick, screaming that I was pregnant and the magical night that ensued. _

A smile was plastered across my face when I woke up. I reached out for Jacob but he was gone. I looked around frantically until I saw him in the corner with Jensen, feeding him from a bottle.

"Hope you don't mind. Little Man here wouldn't wait so I used some of the milk you pumped. Bells, you just looked so peaceful, like you hadn't slept in years."

His innocent words triggered thoughts of my harsh reality but I pushed them aside. I wonder how long I'd slept. "What time is it?" I muttered.

"It's only six. Go back to sleep. I got this."

"I'm awake. How about I make us a huge breakfast? What do you want? Better yet, let me surprise you." I grabbed a discarded shirt of his from the floor and put it on. It still smelled like him I realized, relishing that fact.

Twenty minutes later, Jake sauntered in with a freshly dressed Jensen in his arm. "Damn baby, you outdid yourself," he commented as he saw the feast I had prepared. When a person hasn't eaten food in four years, everything sounds good.

Jake put our son in a vibrating chair set up near the table and sat down to eat. "What's the special occasion?"

"It's leap day. Don't you know that since this day doesn't really exist then any calories I eat don't count," I said, trying to make a joke before digging into the food.

Jake just laughed as we both shoveled in the food and ate in a comfortable silence.

XXX

The rumbled of Jake's black pick-up truck had lulled Jensen back to sleep. Between the vibrations of the ride and over an hour of being fussed over by both Charlie and Sue, he was more than ready for a nap.

"I'm glad we went with you. I really enjoyed seeing my dad and Sue, plus I know they loved seeing Jensen."

"I don't know who spoils him more, Sue, Charlie or my dad. Oh and we can't forget your mom. The two weeks she spent when he was born and now the weekly Skype sessions not to mention the boxes of gifts we get in the mail. I'm going out on a limb and naming your mom as the top spoiler," he joked.

"I can live with that." It made me smile to think of her so involved in my son's life, being there for all the moments denied her with my daughter. "Where are we headed?"

"Home… unless you needed something."

"The sun is out. How often is the sun out? Let's drive to the beach or something. We have plenty of blankets for Jensen and I don't know Jake. I guess I just don't want this day to end."

"Sure, sure. I guess you're feeling a little stir crazy. I don't think you've left the house more than a few times since he's been born. But you need to take advantage of it. Only four more weeks and you have to go back to work."

Hormones, emotions, everything came together in a moment of weakness and I started to cry. "I don't want to leave him, Jake. I can't, I just can't."

He pulled me over with one arm and let me cry into his chest. "Hun, you're the one that wanted to go back after he was born. If you're having second thoughts, it's fine. We'll figure it out."

Only I knew this had nothing to do with a maternity leave. I didn't want to leave him, my son, this life. I didn't want forever frozen in a stone wrapper. That said, I couldn't spend my time left wallowing in self-pity. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure it's nothing but hormones. We'll talk about this more later."

"Ooookay." He knew better than to mess with a post-partum mother and I used that to my advantage. We pulled into the parking lot of the beach. Jake pulled Jensen out in his carrier, making sure the blankets were secure while I waited patiently.

He took my hand in his and the carrier in the other as we walked down the beach where we'd first met up all those years ago. It was much nicer but I couldn't help but be taken back to that fateful day.

I didn't do much talking, he carried the conversation mostly. I just listened to his voice, felt the warmth of his skin on mine and enjoyed every single moment.

Our afternoon in the sun was cut short by a sudden cloudburst so typical of La Push. We rushed back to the truck and headed home…. Home.

The log cabin we lived in was perfect in every detail. It was more me than any place I could have ever dreamed. When someone knows you as well as Jake knew me, I guess it was easy to build my dream home. I tried hard to keep from glancing at the clock as I watched my time slipping away and my sadness threaten to break through again.

Jake ended up ordering pizza for us while I gave Jensen his bath. When I came out, he had the pizza and two warm sodas sitting on the coffee table along with two lit candles.

"I hope everything is satisfactory, Madame" he said with a fake French accent trying to act like a snooty waiter.

"Perfect," I replied. I put Jensen down in the bassinet. We sat on the floor and ate the pizza all the while laughing and talking about cute things Jensen had done throughout the day. When Jensen fussed, we brought him down onto the floor with us. Taking out time to make him happy and try to make him laugh.

After our dinner and evening with Jensen, Jake cleaned up while I fed and changed the baby before laying him in his cradle. I looked up at the clock and was sad to see it was already close to eleven.

'"I'm putting on a movie. What's your poison?" he asked.

"Your choice." It didn't matter to me. I would be looking at him more than the movie anyway. I went to his drawer and pulled out a Metallica t-shirt, put in on and got in the bed beside him.

"You're gonna regret saying that. I picked Blood Sucking Zombie Killers from Outer Space." He held out his arm and I snuggled in instinctively, clinging to him as if he was a life preserver, which he was.

I didn't have the strength to look at the clock again afraid it would announce my time was up. I was staring at Jake, watching him laugh at the gore that made weaker men vomit. I kissed him on the cheek which made him give me his attention.

Sensing my need for him he bent down to kiss me full on the lips, our love coming through loud and clear with each movement of his lips on mine.

XXX

Then, just as easily as I had slipped into the other realm, I was back. The same cold stone-like flesh, the non-existent heartbeat, the inability to cry and most of all a pain so deep and so intense that I was not sure I could endure it.

Not surprisingly Edward was nowhere to be seen. Why would he want to be here for this? To witness me mourn for a life and the love of another man. The very man who was still in our lives and in two weeks' time would be taking our daughter to prom.

I got out of bed and took off the Metallica t-shirt as now the smell was too much to bear. It was both nauseating and yet so linked to my memories that having it near me was too painful. I put it back in my drawer, knowing that I would still occasionally pull it out and put it on trying to remember. At least I would for the next four years until I was able to go back.

I put on my normal attire, not washing though. As much as the aroma was torture, it also brought a small piece of comfort with it. Jensen's baby smell still lingered on my skin, in my hair and I was not ready to give that up, not yet.

My studio was waiting for me as I knew it would be. I pulled out my charcoals and a new sketchpad writing the date and year on it so that I could remember the vivid details of this day. I'd spend hours of self-induced solitude reliving every moment with each stroke. No one bothered to come looking for me, not that I wanted them to.

Before I knew it, I'd worked through the night, the entire day and now late into the next evening with no break. There was a knock at that door and it was that distraction that finally pulled me out the trance I was in.

"Can I come in? Is it safe?" his familiar husky toned voice asked.

"Sure Jake."

"You look like you've been at this for hours. Don't you think you need to take a break? After all, don't want you going all Van Gogh on us and cutting off an ear… if that's even possible," he teased.

I finally put the charcoal down along with my pad and looked up, forcing a half-smile. "There. Are you less worried?"

"Not really." Then what seemed like hours of silence. "So are you going to tell me?"

I knew I couldn't form the words. If I could cry, I already would have broken down. I simply handed the sketchpad to him and let him look at it, at our life together.

First was a sketch of us dancing at our wedding, then our perfect little house, next his shop and finally, the one I'd just finished, our son.

He took his time with each of the pictures, committing each detail to memory. With every image though, his eyes got glassier until tears rolled down as I watched him trace the face of his child.

"His name is Jensen William Black. He's six weeks old and was born on your twenty-second birthday."

"Cute kid but then again, I knew he would be. He's got your mouth by the way."

"You think so? When I looked at him all I saw was you." My words caused him to smile, not a full on smile but still a smile.

"No he definitely has your mouth." He sat silent staring at the picture a while longer. "Answer me this, and then we won't bring it up again, well until next leap day."

"Go on."

"If I make like a little wooden wolf or something, do you think it would go back with you? You know… if you had it in your hand."

"I could try…"

"I would just like for him to have something I gave him… I know I probably give him things all the time but not really... God, this is so fucked up. You know what I mean, Bells." He turned away from me completely and I could tell from the shake of his body that he was crying.

I put my hand on his shoulder, forgetting for a moment that my touch and his were now incompatible but his body's violent jerk at the feel of my skin was an instant reminder.

"I'm so sorry, Jake. You know if I could go back and change…"

"Stop right there. You can't and it does me no good to live in a fantasy that you could. I have to live with the decision you DID make. I don't get even one day of peace every four years." He walked towards the door then stopped. "Listen I'm sorry. I'm going to go wolf for a few days. Just give me time. Tell Nessie I'll be back before prom so no worries."

He was half out the door when I muttered, "I love you, Jake."

The last thing I heard before he disappeared out of my life again was "Love you, too."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight or Twilight related.**

**A/N: This is the t- rated version of the chapter. The full lemon it located on my blog, and at the other locations the story is posted. **

**February 28, 2016 11:50 p.m.**

Shutting the door, my heart sang with joy as I heard to click of the lock catching. I don't really know why I bothered, Edward had moved out of our room almost a year ago. We were still technically together and on occasion, Edward even visited my bed. But he never stayed longer than to get his baser needs met with little fanfare from me.

It hadn't always been like that. Before leap day 2012, I would call us a still functioning couple but ever since then… it had been a steady decline. After Nessie and Jake moved into their own place, Edward felt that we didn't need to put forth the effort anymore. I knew he still loved me and was holding on to the hope that after my leap days were over, when I had nothing but my actual existence, I would come back to him. Maybe he was right… maybe I would, though my mind wouldn't see past the next leap day.

This time I stood at my drawer, pulling out the t-shirt and along with it, a small wooden wolf carved by Jacob. He'd made it almost four years ago and one day it just appeared in my studio on top of the sketchpad I kept with the pictures of our life in it. We never spoke about it. That would have been too hard. He was committed to his life with Nessie, after all, he had no choice. I'd taken that from him.

Picking up the small wooden animal I gave it a quick kiss before carrying it with me to my bed. Crawling into the bed that I rarely even laid upon was a surreal experience. Quickly I closed my eyes and waited for the magic to happen.

**February 29, 2016 12:01 a.m.**

Again my eyes popped open and I was in the place I wanted to be more than anything, my bedroom with Jake, still clutching the wooden toy. That relief soon turned to fear when I looked over and he was not in the bed.

"Jacob?" I called out into the air.

A few moments later in walked Jake carrying a black haired toddler girl. "Babe," he said in a hushed tone. "I told you I'd take care of Lucy since you have work in the morning. Are you trying to wake up Ava and Jensen?"

_Wow, two more kids_. I looked over and saw the cradle was still in its place so I assumed this Ava must be in it. No stirring so she must have been a better sleeper than her brother.

"I just had a bad dream and when I woke up and you weren't in bed I got a bit disoriented," I explained.

half smile and a shake of the head was his response. Carrying Lucy over to the bed, Jake climbed in with the wheezy toddler. "I think she wants her momma anyway. Don't ya, Luce?"

The beautiful brown-eyed girl turned to look at me and nodded, holding her arms out for me- my daughter. "What have you done for her?" I asked as I took her little body into my arms. She felt so warm.

"We were in the bathroom with the shower running trying to get the steam to clear up her congestion. She's had her medicine and is not due for another dose for six hours." It sounded like he had everything under control. I always knew Jake would be a great dad. The way he'd taken care of his father, the way he'd taken care of me… I'd just known.

"Just sounds like we're in for a long night," I told him. Jacob laid back in the bed with one arm propped under his head and turned on the television. I snugged in next to him with Lucy lying on my chest. I absently mindedly stroked her hair, the way I'd always done her father's and it seemed to calm her enough to fall asleep. The steady beats of Jake's and Lucy's hearts lulled me into oblivion.

XXX

_The flashes of my life started again. This time I was giving birth to Lucy with Jake on one side and my mom on the other. The look of utter pride beamed from Jake when the doctor handed him his daughter and he turned to show me our squirming bundle of goo-covered perfection. "Lucy Renee," he cooed._

_A collage of images of Christmases with our children, birthday parties and special nights of reaffirming our love flashed by all too quickly. _

_Then a sadness clouded my own personal sideshow. Holding a newborn Ava while dressed all in black, I took my place next to Jacob as we put Billy in the ground next to his beloved Sarah. Jake never let go of his son's hand as he place a single rose on his father's coffin. In that simple action I saw the circle of life. This was how it was meant to be._

The annoying beep-beep-beep of the alarm jolted not only me but both my girls awake. I was greeted with a chorus of crying but I embraced it. "Jake, the baby needs you," I told him as Lucy garnered my immediate attention.

He didn't hesitate as he rolled off the bed and walked over to the crib. Picking up Ava and bringing her over to the bed to change, I couldn't help but notice how much she looked like her older sister, both with striking black hair, chocolate eyes and skin only one or two shades darker than mine own. They hadn't won the genetic lottery like their older brother by inheriting their father's skin tone.

"I'll get them both some breakfast while you get ready for work."

"I think I'm playing hooky today. It was a late night with Lucy and I just don't like leaving her when she's sick."

"If you're sure but don't forget to call your boss. I'll let Kim know the girls aren't coming over but I still need to get Jensen to pre-school. Speaking of the little guy, I need to go get him up." Jake disappeared down the hall with Ava still in his arms.

"Potty," Lucy announced. There was only a hint of the congestion in her voice as she was already climbing down the bed and tottering off towards the door. I followed her down the hall to the main bathroom. In no time she'd used her potty chair and was standing on the step stool to wash her hands.

The door to the bathroom flung open when I was greeted with arms wrapping around my legs. "Mommy," Jensen called out before hopping up on the stool next to his sister. He was a blur of activity, grabbing his Superman toothbrush and Sponge Bob toothpaste. He was already such a big boy as I watched him brush his own long hair before hopping down and disappearing out the bathroom door.

Lucy held her arms out for me to get her off the stool. She could get up by herself but getting down was not a skill she'd mastered yet. All these little moments were what I missed the most, even with Nessie. Nessie was never this helpless; never this 'young' and she never seemed to need me when she had Alice, Rose, Esme, Edward, even Jacob at her beck and call. What was I but the woman who'd given up everything to give her life?

Pushing out those thoughts, I wanted to relish every moment I had with these children and Jake, the family that was meant for me. It was then that I remembered the wooden wolf I'd brought with me. I must have left it in the bed. Taking Lucy with me I went to retrieve it, wanting to give it to Jensen as soon as possible.

Pulling back the covers, the carving was lying in the space I'd occupied just minutes earlier. I picked it up and ran my fingers over the smooth hardness of it. The small piece of wood was important to not only me but also to the Jake I had to live with every day. The Jake I'd robbed of his true destiny.

When Lucy saw what I was holding, I was taken aback when she started barking like a puppy. "Woof, woof, woof!"

"That's right, Lucy. It looks like a doggie."

Lucy giggled before smiling at her praise. She reached for the wooden piece but I stopped her.

"Honey, it's for your brother."

Lucy pooched out her lower lip and shrugged before turning and running out the door. I followed her out into the hall and saw her disappear into a room I assumed was hers. Jensen was just emerging from the bedroom as I passed by.

"Mommy!" he called out again. "I'm gonna wear my new shoes today! Daddy told me I can't get them dirty. Mean Daddy!"

"Daddy is not mean. Shoes cost a lot of money and I'm sure he just wants them to stay nice," I took him by the hand and led him to his room. Sitting on the bed, I watched as he pulled out a shirt and jeans to wear and dressed himself. He then went to a box that held the much beloved new shoes and when I saw the box, I understood Jake's rule. They were Jordans and I knew they must have sent us back a pretty penny. He slipped them on his feet and then carefully arranged his laces before turning to show off his new look.

"Look at my handsome little man. All the girls are going to want you to be their boyfriend," I boasted, causing him to smile.

"Hurry up Jensen, the truck is running." I heard Jacob call from the living room.

"Here before you go, I have something for you, but you have to keep it here somewhere safe." I handed him the present from the Jacob in my reality.

"It's a wolf, cool." He ran his fingers over it, making the legs move. "It even moves. Thanks Mommy." He gave me a kiss on the cheek and put it in the drawer next to his bed before running past me.

I followed him out to the living room where Jake was waiting with his back pack and an apple. "Your sisters are already in the truck."

Jake walked over and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'll be back in ten minutes with the girls. I love you."

I watched him walk out the door and my heart literally went with him. I took the time to look around and acquaint myself with the house again, noting all the changes. After a quick run through of our home, I spent most of the time looking at the pictures on the mantel. Lots of moments were captured from birthdays to holidays but one stood out above the others. It was a very tired looking Billy holding a newborn I assumed was Ava by a Christmas tree, here in this house. Surrounding him was not only Jake and our other two kids but Rachel with twin girls approximately six years old and Rebecca with a toddler boy.

At least he got to see his entire family was my only comfort.

"Still can't believe he's gone."

I jumped when I heard Jake's voice as it startled me from my deep thoughts.

"Geez, you scared the crap out of me," I told him, feeling his arms circle around my waist.

"Sorry." He rested his chin on my shoulder and looked at the same picture that had previously held my attention.

"Where are the girls?"

"I dropped them off at Kim's place anyway. Told her we'd pick them up at noon after we got Jensen. Since you were playing hooky I thought maybe we could spend the morning having a little husband/wife time." His breath was hot along my neck before it was replaced by his soft lips. Jake's hands travel under my t-shirt and up my body till he cupped my breasts in his large warm hand. His fingers rolled the nipples before pulling on them gently. "What do you say?" he whispered in my ear.

I wasn't sure if it was the husky tone of his voice, the reaction of his hands on my body or both but the tingling in my core couldn't be ignored any longer. We made love, a sharing of our very souls.

"I love you so much," I whimpered against him.

"I love you, too," he replied.

I pulled back and looked him in the eyes. He seemed a little confused by my all-consuming need for him but wasn't complaining.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, taking the back side of his hand and rubbing it across my cheek.

"Our time is so short and I just want every moment to count," I confessed.

Thinking I was talking about our childless morning, I let him assume he was right. I wanted every moment to be perfect and not tainted by my reality.

He grinned up at me in the way only he could. "Then let's make some more memories. There's a huge shower calling our name." He stood, with me still wrapped around his waist and carried me off to a morning of complete and utter satisfaction.

XXX

A little after noon we showed up at Kim's house with Jensen, freshly showered and not very rested. But both of us had huge smiles on our faces.

"How was your morning or do I need to ask?" Kim asked with a giggle.

"Kim..." I responded but didn't really give an answer as I felt the blush spread up my cheeks. I knew we were all adults and married but it was still awkward to talk to someone when they knew you just spent four hours making love.

"No apologies needed. Jared and I would love to have a morning to ourselves but he works such long hours on the boat. Maybe when we buy one and he's calling the shots, then we can have more us time."

"It'll happen soon," Jake replied. He was always the optimist.

"See you tomorrow," Kim said as she shut the door behind us. How I wish her words were true.

The day was much like any other day in La Push, Washington, grey and drizzling, so we headed home. I wanted each and every moment to be as normal as possible, to experience my life as it would have been on a daily basis.

After a home cooked meal, I gave Ava a bath and we put her to bed together. Next in line was Lucy. She cried when I undressed her for the bath and then cried again when it was time to get out. I put her pajamas on her then read Lucy a book about princesses while Jake gave Jensen his bath. By the time Lucy was knocked out, Jake had Jensen already in bed.

Jake waited on me so we could read the book Jensen had picked one together. It had wolves in it, no surprises there. Jensen was such a smart boy, already picking out words he recognized as I read them aloud to him. As hard as he fought sleep, his valiant effort was in vain as he ultimately succumbed before I even finished the story. Kissing him on his head, I crawled out of the bed and walked towards Jake who was waiting by the door. He turned off light and shut the door before leading me down the hall to our room.

"Aren't you worn out from this morning?" I asked.

"I'm an Alpha baby, stamina is in my blood… but if you can't hang with the big dog…" he teased, patting the bed as he sat down on it.

"Try to keep up."

XXX

Jake was asleep and I didn't have the heart to wake him as my time was quickly coming to an end. A thought suddenly came to me. If I was able to bring the wolf for Jensen, then maybe I could take something other than a shirt back with me.

Quickly I ran to the living room and pulled out a large photo album. I wanted… no I needed this not only for me but for the real Jake. He deserved to see them as they truly were and not simply in the sketches I spent hours pouring my heart and soul into. The clock was ticking so I scoured the pages for the perfect ones to take with me. I settled on baby pictures of each, one of our wedding day, one of our house, one of the pack, one of him with his dad and all three kids and finally one taken pretty recently as it was the five of us. Clutching the only things I could, I returned to the bedroom, wanting my last moments to be by his side.

And just like that… it was over for another four years.

I turned over in the silken sheets and was surprised to find Edward sitting on the bed next to me, reminding me of the way he used to sneak into my room back at Charlie's a million years before. Just for that single moment I was happy to see him. Then he spoke.

"A never ending supply of band t-shirts I see. I'm sorry but the odor of the shirt does not quite drown out the stench of wolf sex that reeks from you, my love," he snarled at my Nirvana shirt that I'd taken of Jake's.

With that remark he reminded me why we would never be what we once were. The Edward I loved, had fallen in love with, was long gone but then again, I'd killed him. Watching me pine for a life with another man was more than anyone could bear. I didn't blame him for his contempt of me anymore than I blamed Jake for loving Nessie. It was my own flawed choices that had single handedly ruined the lives of every person I loved.

"Why are you here?"

Edward let out a small chuckle, rolled his eyes, before he stood up from the bed. "Silly me. I am after all your husband and thought with how upset you were last leap day, you might need me. I see you have everything you need right in the palm of your hand." He pointed to the photographs still clutched between my fingers.

"Edward…" I called out, feeling guilty for the pain I cause not only him but everyone.

He didn't even break his stride as he walked out the door, slamming it shut with such force I was sure it would fall off the hinges.

I took off the t-shirt to preserve the smell for as long as possible, stuffed it back in the drawer. I put on a pair of sweats and a clean shirt before sitting on my bed to look at the little pieces of memories I'd brought with me. I wanted to call Jake, to share this with him but it would only cause problems with him and Nessie. The last thing I needed was another fight tonight. Besides, my studio was waiting for me. It was the only constant in my existence now.

As I went to the door, I was shocked when it opened by itself, Jacob now standing in front of me.

"Hey," he said, looking down at the ground.

"Hey," I replied back. The whole situation between us felt terribly awkward.

"I went to the studio at midnight but you weren't there. I um, well I just wanted to, ya know, find out about Jensen. Nessie went out on a hunt tonight. I think she knew I wouldn't be able to sleep until I knew something."

"How nice of her," my voice dripped with a sarcasm that I hadn't meant to be that obvious but it was too late to take it back.

"She's trying to understand, Bella." He defended her; of course he defended her. It was like second nature to him.

"Listen I don't want to fight. Come in and I'll just show you." I stood aside as he walked past and took a seat on the bed. The sight of him on my bed caused a physical reaction from my body. One he thankfully ignored.

I handed him the photographs before sitting down next to him, watching him closely as I tried to gauge his reaction.

"Jensen is now four of course, in pre-school and a happy, well-adjusted boy. He loved the wolf by the way."

Jake looked up and smiled before turning his gaze to the next one.

"That's Lucy Renee. She'll be two next month. She may look like me but she has your spirit, your spunk and I love that about her."

"I think she may have gotten some spunk from her mom. Just saying."

We both chuckled before he looked at the next one. "That's our baby Ava Charlotte. She's only four months old and it's too early to tell her personality. She's a good baby though."

He traced her face on the photograph before moving on to the house, then the pack, our wedding, his father and finally our whole family. I knew better than to break the news about Billy. Not tonight. I would tell him eventually but it was too much.

He sat there, not moving for what seemed like an eternity before standing to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"Well, now I know. I need to get going."

"No stay a bit longer. I can tell you more about them."

"Why Bella? To torture me?"

"Then why did you come?"

He stopped. I could see him pondering the question. Why did he come? Why did he continue to do this to himself? He shook his head before sitting back down. "I guess I'm a glutton for pain. After all, I fell in love with you when I was fifteen and haven't really let go since."

He stayed with me for another hour, listening to every detail, committing them to memory before he finally found the strength to leave. If he and Nessie fought that night, I never knew. Once Jake left, I placed the pictures in with the sketchpads that I filled with more images from my day. I never locked the door so that it gave Jake easy access to come when he thought no one was looking. It wasn't only me living this alternate life, but I'd drug Jake right along with me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight**

**February 28, 2020 11:40 p.m.**

I sat in bed with my pictures and sketches strewn about. The last four years had turned into nothing short of my own personal hell. Edward, well he made sure to remind me daily of my poor choices and regret. His hurt at my "betrayal" had brought out a side to him that I never knew or even suspected existed within him. I expected him to want a divorce or at least separate after the last Leap Day fiasco but leave to my dear Edward to surprise me.

"_Forever is what you asked for my love and forever is what you shall have."_

His words haunted me for they were not spoken from a place of love and devotion but rather a place of vindictiveness and cruelty. He moved back into our bedroom simply because he knew it wasn't his touch I craved but another's, a touch forbidden to me by my own stubborn and willful refusal to see the truth those many years ago.

That same man, whose attention I craved more than even blood, was displayed before me but with the harshest twist of fate. He was now my son-in-law. To have to watch my Jacob marry my own daughter and to live the life I was meant to was the ultimate pain to bear.

My love for him was stronger than my own desires and so I let him go, hoping that in his imprint he might find the happiness and the family that my own selfish needs denied him. Though being the cruel mistress that she is, Fate would not be kind to Jacob either.

Nessie dominated him in a way that was unnatural and when she was unable to conceive a child, a child that she so desperately wanted to give him to prove the she was indeed his true destiny, my once sweet girl turned into someone that no one could recognize. Jacob's life was now a mere façade of happiness, much like my own.

The only moments of peace I found were alone in my studio, to live in a world that did not exist. It was also there that I saw the only smiles to grace Jacob's face when he thought no one was looking. For weeks before the fateful day, I waited for something to be left in my studio or perhaps even a conversation with Jacob, but it never came.

Now waiting in bed, all thoughts of the pain slipped away as I knew my bliss was just around the corner. I gazed upon the faces of my children and longed to see how theirs lives had changed. Would I have another perfect combination of my love and me to open my heart to?

Shock filled me when, with only a few minutes to spare, the sound of the door opening captured my attention. My long dead heart felt as if it were breaking anew when I saw Jacob standing inside my room.

"I um…"He searched for the right words to say.

"Yes?" I replied as I filled with hope for the first time in years.

"I didn't make anything but I've been curious about something. Hell curious, I've thought of nothing else for months."

I let him talk as the minutes slipped away.

"If the wolf went back then perhaps… well… maybe something else can too." He went out in the hall only to return with a squirming, fluffy puppy that appeared to be part wolf.

He glanced over at the clock before rushing to my side. "Here take him… well see if you can. His name is Lucky. I'll be here… just in case it doesn't work."

"Will you be here when I wake up?" I knew I didn't have the right to ask him to stay. This was risky enough as it was. Nessie had found ways of making Jacob's life torture some and I didn't want him to have to pay for this indiscretion later.

He didn't answer so I didn't pry. I knew, deep down in my heart of hearts, I already knew the answer. He couldn't stay away any better than I could pretend that he wasn't the one I wanted to be with.

I took the little ball of heat into my arms. The puppy let out an uncomfortable yelp when its skin touched mine but it soon settled in. Jacob had picked out the perfect dog, so like himself, sunny disposition and all. That inner joy was what I missed most about my Jacob. With the sloppy wet kisses Lucky was planting on my face, I closed my eyes and with it all the pain of my actual existence.

**February 29, 2012 12:01 a.m.**

I felt the warmth of the puppies tongue lapping my cheek as my eyes opened, it worked. I could feel the large frame of my husband in the bed next to me, weighing it down. Slowly my eyes adjusted to the lack of light. The sounds of his snores loud and steady, giving the perfect excuse to concoct some elaborate scheme to explain a new puppy into the household.

I jumped out of bed, already missing the nearness of my Jacob and ran into the living room. After getting some water in a bowl, I placed the bowl, along with some newspapers, an old blanket and little Lucky on the back sun room. Turning to return to my bed I ran smack dab into a large body standing in my path causing me to scream out.

Jake's hand went to cover my mouth, obviously not wanting to wake the children. "Shhh Bells! What on earth is going on here?"

"I heard the puppy scratching on the back door and I couldn't just leave him outside. What do you think, Jake? He's so cute. Can we keep him?"

A sly smile crept across his face. "Of course, honey. We've been talking about a puppy for a while. I just can't believe you heard him and not me. I must be losing it in my old age, but I'll be taking him to the vet before the kids get a hold of him, to make sure he's healthy. A boy, huh? Jensen will be happy. Finally the battles of boys verses girls will be even in the house. "

"Yep, I want to call him Lucky."

"Lucky?"

"You don't like it?"

"It's fine babe, now come back to bed. You know… now that you're awake and I'm awake… I was thinking maybe…"

I didn't need to be a mind reader to know what his intentions were. He stepped closer to me, reached down, cupped my bottom in his enormous hands and lifted me up. My legs wrapped around his waist as I locked my ankles in place. I ran my fingers through his short silken locks and pulled on them, guiding his hungry lips to mine.

He led us back to the bedroom without ever opening his eyes. Jake nudged the door open with his knee before depositing me on the bed. As he pulled my t-shirt over my head, he looked at the worn piece of material before throwing it on the floor.

"Damn, I haven't seen that t-shirt in years. Where did you find it?"

"When I was cleaning the other day, now are we going to talk about a t-shirt or are you going to make love to your wife?" I pouted.

"Let me think about that for a second," he teased before pulling back for a moment.

He knew he was infuriating me and it only made him cuter. Two could play the game so I reached out to pick up said t-shirt and put it back on.

"Oh no you don't," and with those words he attacked.

XXX

I lay in bed fighting sleep, afraid of what was to come. Was my dad alive? What about my mother? There were so many tragedies possible but also as many miracles. I threw caution to the wind and let my eyes close.

_This time the images concentrated almost solely on the children and for that I was grateful. Ava's first words, Lucy losing her first tooth, Jake playing tooth fairy and Jensen playing Rudolph in his second grade Christmas play all flashed by along with the not so heartwarming moments. There were images of Jensen falling out of a tree and breaking his arm two days before Halloween so he had to go as the Blue Power Ranger with a neon green cast. A scene flashed by of Ava up crying all night with the croup and Jake and I both huddled together in the cramped bathroom filled with steam taking turns holding her and even of Lucy pouting as I cut off her beautiful long hair after her cousins, the twins Sarah and Brenna, put gum in it and I couldn't get it all out. All these little moments made me who I was in this life and defined my family, the one I would literally die to be part of. _

_Finally the images shifted from my family to quick glimpses of Charlie and Sue, of visiting Renee in Florida, and then the pack- of Seth getting married, of Quil dating a teenaged Claire, and finally of Embry and Leah presenting their second child, a son to the whole family with pride. _

I shot straight up in bed, fully awake as Jensen bounded in holding Lucky in his arms.

"Look I found a puppy in the sun room. Can we keep him?"

"Well he was inside for a reason," Jake groaned. The clock said five a.m. and Jake had only been asleep a few hours after his late night performance.

"So he's ours?" Jensen beamed.

"Lucky is your responsibility. You have to feed him, make sure he has water and clean up any accidents he has when he's in the house," I told him, making a mental note to get a picture of the kids with Lucky before I was forced to leave.

"I gotta tell Lucy and Ava," Jensen squealed as he disappeared with Lucky.

"It's leap day, are you taking the day off work?" Jake asked me.

"Why do you ask?

"You have for the past three. It was sort of becoming a day I really looked forward too, lots and lots of extra loving. What about leap day makes you so damn horny?" he moaned in my ear. Jake's hands were suddenly on my naked flesh, pulling me closer when all three kids bounded in the door.

I covered myself with the blankets and Jake shooed the kids out the room, to allow me to get dressed. Jake popped his head back in the door almost immediately. "You didn't answer me, are you calling in? Should I get the kids to school and then come straight home?"

How could I tell him no? I nodded.

"Then I don't want you to bother get dressed cus I plan on you being naked all day. Thank God for all day Pre-K," I heard him mutter under his breath as he disappeared out the door, shutting it behind him.

After the door clicked shut, I turned over and screamed into my pillow. The scream was out of frustration but also excitement. I was here and this was real, at least for the next few hours. All thoughts of Edward and his sadistic side or of my own daughter that took pleasure in flaunting her relationship with Jake every chance she could flew out of my head. The only face I could not forget was that of my Jacob. It was his tortured face that finally forced the dam to break and the tears to fall.

I didn't remember falling asleep; though I was sure it could not have been for long. Jacob's calloused hand and soft lips where the perfect way to be woken. And for the next several hours, in various places in and around the house, Jake and I celebrated our own special holiday or as he now called it Horny Day.

XXX

After picking up the children, we spend several hours over at my dad's place having dinner with not only him and Sue but also Seth and his wife Sherri, who were expecting and Embry, Leah and their two kids Lola and Ethan. It was a real family dinner. They had gathered us together to announce his retirement from the force to spend more time with his wife and family. He seemed like a different man than the one that drove me home that fateful day my junior year in high school.

The loss of Billy hit him hard all those years ago and he had finally relented to cutting back on the red meat and alcohol. Sue had given him a reason to change, well Sue and his grandchildren. Watching Charlie with not only my three but also Leah's children showed me a playful caring side to the man that I called father. He laughed easily and got on the floor offering Ava and Ethan horsey rides on his back. Charlie took turns twirling Lucy and Lola around in the living room while listening to some old Frank Sinatra records that his parents had left him. After all of that, he sat on the couch and played a video game with Jensen, making sure to have one on one time with each child.

I had a wonderful evening and committed each and every moment to memory. The drive home was perfect. The kids had all fallen asleep even on such a short ride. Jake hummed along with the radio and I was able to enjoy the beauty of the scenery. It was one of those nights where the moon was so full and big in the night time sky that it illuminated everything. I could hear a wolf howling in the distance and let out a small chuckle.

"What?"

"The wolf, hearing its howl, it just reminds me of you and how much I miss seeing that side of you."

"Oooookay…."

"It's hard to explain. Let's not talk about it. The night is slipping away from us. I just want to go home, tuck the kids in and spend some time with my husband."

"More time? Are you trying to kill me?"

"What happened to Alpha stamina?"

"Even an Alpha must sleep sometime." He was tired and I knew it. Honestly, I wanted to hold him and hear his voice more than anything else. To be near him was all I needed to be happy.

I carried Ava inside the house while Jake tossed Jensen over one shoulder and Lucy the other. We put them all to bed, kissing each one good night. Jensen was the only one the stirred, waking slightly but as soon as he cuddled under his favorite blanket and got a kiss from me and Jake, he was out like a light.

Jake disappeared down the hall to tend to Lucky, giving me the perfect time to take the camera out of my purse and place it next to the bed, knowing I needed to grab it before I feel asleep. Standing in front of the dresser, I took my time picking the t-shirt that would give me my most tangible link to this world. KISS won the honor. I hoped that he never threw out his collection. It was one of the things I loved about him.

Jake crawled under the covers in just his boxers and I snuggled into his side, finding my perfect spot.

"Today was such a perfect day," I told him as I kissed his chest, rubbing myself along his body, as I tried to gather as much scent as I could.

"Yes, it was nice."

He seemed quiet, almost like something was off.

"What's wrong?"

"Is everything okay with your dad?"

"What do you mean?"

"He's retiring when we both know how much he loves his job and the way he was with the kids. He's not sick is he? I mean of course he's not. He'd tell us right?"

Panic slipped inside my perfect world. Death was real here. People died. Was my father sick? Would I come here in four years only to find out I'd buried him? I couldn't stop the tears even if I wanted to, which I didn't. In this world I could cry, I could show emotions, I could feel and I could die.

"Ssssssshhhhh," Jake comforted me.

My eyes glanced over at the clock and saw I had only a few moments left. There was so much I still needed to say but time was not my friend. I grabbed the camera tightly in one hand before I pulled Jake down into a kiss with the other. Our lips melted together perfectly….

And then they didn't. My cold unyielding lips were pressed against something hot and pliable. My eyes popped open and I realized I was back but I was still kissing Jake. I pushed him away with more force than I meant to as he tumbled backwards off the bed.

"I'm so sorry." My fingers immediately went to my lips, tracing the place Jake, my Jake, my son-in-law's lips had just been.

He stood up and tried not to show the emotions I was sure he was feeling. "No, I'm to one who's sorry. I didn't mean to. I was lying on the bed, taking a nap as I waited and then you were there and you were moaning my name and I'd been dreaming… I'm leaving."

I was by his side in an instant. "NO! Don't leave. I don't want you to leave."

His eyes widened from my severe reactions. We both knew what I was really asking was impossible. He was married to my daughter and as wrong as it was on so many levels, it was reality. The same reality in which I was Bella Cullen, forever bonded to the man that I had once thought I couldn't live without when in truth, the man before me now was the one that I was meant to spend eternity with.

"Please, Jake, just a few minutes. You stayed so I know you want to know about the kids." My voice was sweet and encouraging. We needed this time, I needed it.

"I…"

"Please Jacob."

I knew I wasn't playing fair. He could never deny me and I used that against him. On some level I hated myself for doing it but that didn't stop me. When did it ever?

I stood up and walked out the door with Jake on my heels. I led him to my studio and turned on my laptop. When I put the disk inside the reader, the pictures I'd taken popped up on the screen. Most were of the kids with their new puppy, of Charlie, Embry, Leah and the others from our family dinner but then a few I didn't take popped up and caused us both more pain than I ever intended. Jake had taken a few pictures while I slept in our bed that afternoon after making love, and the last one was of our hands intertwined, our wedding bands gleaming brightly in the sunlight.

I'd hurt Jacob more times that I could count but I had never seen a pain as deep as the moment he saw that picture, even when I told him about his father's death. I'd broken the man I loved beyond repair and shattered him into a million pieces.

"I got to go."

This time I didn't even try to stop him because I loved him enough not to. Though I left the studio open, added the pictures along with my own sketches like years past, I was pretty sure he never came back to my studio over the next four years. It was too much… even for my Jacob.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight or Twilight related. **

**A/N: This journey will be hard, but hopefully the payoff will be worth it. Any that find it too much to take, that's fine. I understand. For those who stay, I am grateful and I think you will be pleasantly surprised by the end of the story. But we still have a lot of heartache and regret to go before we get there. Hope my own heart holds out.**

**A/N 2 this is the t rated version of the chapter. The full version is located on my blog and the other locations this story is posted. **

**February 28****th**** 2024 11:40 p.m.**

I had barely spoken more than a few words to Jacob in the past four years. Our interactions were reduced to a few cordial pleasantries at family functions; anything more was unbearable for all those involved. When there was a knock on the door and I heard that familiar husky voice, I have to admit, I was surprised.

"Come in."

The door creaked open torturously slow until finally he hesitatingly stepped inside my bedroom. Jacob's eyes refused to meet mine as he shuffled towards me like a man on death row taking his last walk. The mattress sunk under his weight as he sat down next to me, still not looking up.

"So…" I tried to start the conversation.

I was met with silence. He opened his mouth to speak but no words would come out.

"Let me make this easier for you. Do you have something for me to take with me?" I wanted to lessen his pain in any way I could.

Finally Jake found his voice, though is cracked slightly as he spoke. "Ummm yeah about that, see I was sort of wondering…"

"Jake please, I'm not a mind reader."

"I want to go with you," he whispered.

Surely I hadn't heard him correctly. When I didn't respond right away he repeated his request.

"I want you to take me with you. If you can slip into your body there, surely I can slip into my body too. I want to see the kids, hold them, and tuck them into bed. I've thought about it for years, dreamt about it."

"I don't know…"

"God Bella, don't make me beg. I need this!" He was looking at me now, pleading with me with his eyes. I wish he hadn't because the pain I saw in them was crippling.

"But it is torture, Jacob, pure torture to have it then give it up." I got out the bed, dressed only in my customary Jacob Black t-shirt. Though it dwarfed me, I suddenly felt underdressed when I saw the way his gaze took on a more lustful tone.

"The kids aren't the only reason, Bells."

I stiffened at the sound of that name, Bells. With it held the promise of a boy and girl in love and the simple life they should have led. Jake and Bells, the way it should have been.

He reached out with his molten hands and took hold of mine, this time not shrinking back from the feel of our skin touching.

"I dream about what it would be like to be with you too, honey. It's wrong on every level, but I do. My love for Nessie should be enough, but it's not. Leave it to me to fuck up an imprint. It's not her fault that I can't give her what she needs. Don't you find it ironic that she's my imprint yet she can't get pregnant? But in the life we should have had, we don't seem to have any trouble. Have you ever asked yourself why?"

"Jake, in case you haven't noticed, I obsess about nothing else but us and the life we should have had. I have cut myself off from my own child because the anguish of seeing her with you is unbearable. My husband refuses to leave me partly to constantly remind me of the choice I did make. I also think he does it as a personal penance for turning me. Edward was always so over dramatic and I'm sure he sees this as a way of the cosmos paying him back for loving me. Instead of being a good wife to him, I lust after the one thing in the world that can never be mine again."

"Then take me with you to the only place where it's okay to love each the way we both do. Hold me in your arms and take us both home." His arms were wrapped around me and even with the temperature difference, neither of us minded.

I glanced over and the time was drawing near. "But I'm afraid," I finally said.

"Why are you afraid?"

"What if you don't come back with me? I have only brought back inanimate objects with me. I'm holding you, well him, when I come every time but he stays there. Maybe you would be stuck in that world."

He pulled away slightly, his large hand instinctively tracing along my chiseled jawline as he looked me in the eyes before speaking. "If I was there, with our children, living that life, I'd be the happiest man on earth."

"But then you wouldn't be here!" I pushed him away. A life without him, even as horrible as it was, was not worth existing in.

"Bells!" he pleaded.

"Just go, Jake. I won't take that chance."

He tried to grab hold of me again, but I refused to let him.

"Go!" I almost shouted out him.

The hurt on his face cut me deeper than a thousand blades. His shoulders slumped as he turned and walked out the door. I didn't know when I would see him again but I couldn't take that chance and in time he would understand. He had to.

I crawled under the covers and closed my eyes, waiting for the magic to take me away from this pain, even if only for twenty-four perfect hours.

**February 29****th**** 2024 12:01 a.m.**

"So… tired yet? Or do we get to do that one thing I'm always asking for?"

As much as I wanted to find out what that little thing was, I was exhausted. The idea of sleeping, let alone sleeping in Jacob's arms, was too good to pass up. A well timed yawn told Jake all he needed to know.

"Okay, I will let you off easy but later right?" He wiggled his brow and gave me the same cheeky grin that he used to when he was sixteen. I missed that smile more than I even missed eating.

"Later," I said smiling back. I couldn't help myself as I reached out and traced his mouth with my fingertip. He was so beautiful and I relished being able to be this close to him and not feel dirty or wrong for loving him.

He shook his head slightly at me before lying down beside me and pulling me into his arms. I rested my head on his warm silken chest as the sounds of his heartbeat lulled me to sleep.

XXX

_I welcomed the flashes as they filled in the void of the past four years. There were many births, a few marriages and thankfully no deaths. Holidays were joyous occasions with children ripping into colorfully wrapped presents and seeing their beautiful faces light up. _

_There were memories of trips to California to see Renee and Phil in their new home. I saw Jacob surfing with his little clone, Jensen, in the warm sun while I stayed under the umbrella and applied the sunscreen to me and the girls. Even a trip to Disney Land complete with our corny family walking around with matching mouse ears and smiles from ear to ear._

It was with that final magical image that flooded my mind as I was forced to wake up when the bedroom door swung open and three fighting children barged in the room all yelling at once.

Jake's booming voice filled the air. "Enough! Now one by one tell me what's going on."

All three voices clamored out to be heard at once.

He only had to raise his hand and all three children fell silent. "Lucy, you got first."

"Jensen's being mean to us! He said Lola was coming over to play video games and we needed to scram. When we said no, that we wanted to watch cartoons, he picked up Ava's doll and threw her outside. Ava cried so I went to get her baby and then he pushed us both outside and locked the door. We came back in through the garage and when he saw us coming up here, he ran to talk to you first."

As much as I wanted to get mad, this is want I had missed the most, seeing day to day life. My family, my kids and my life were far from perfect. They fought like siblings over the most mundane things. This was real life.

"Explain yourself Jensen," Jake stated calmly.

"So what! The brats are always around. I want to play video games with my best friend and they won't leave us alone!" Jensen threw his arms up into the air so similar to the way I'd seen his father do time and time again.

Instead of erupting, Jacob remained calm. "Girls, go to your rooms. You're not in trouble but we need to speak to your brother alone."

They quickly turned and disappeared. Jake turned to get out of bed then remembered his state of undress. "Umm, go to your room and we will be in there in ten minutes to give you your punishment."

Jensen rolled his eyes before leaving.

Jake jumped out of bed, grabbed a pair of boxers and his sleeping pants before turning to me. "You're quiet. Usually you would be the one taking the lead. Is everything okay or are you really that worn out?"

I reached out and grabbed the robe next to the bed. Putting it on, I got out of the bed. "I'm fine. It just didn't seem like anything to get too worked up about."

He walked over to me and felt my forehead like he thought I must have a temperature. "You must be excited about dropping the kids off at Rachel and Paul's later, because you are not acting like yourself."

"Very funny."

So apparently our plans were to spend the day alone, but as wonderful as that sounded, I wanted the whole day with my family.

"I think I know the perfect punishment for Jensen," I told him.

"Okay… what? No video games for a week?"

"I think we need to have a family day and force him to spend the entire day with his sisters."

"What about our special time?" Jake protested, pooching his bottom lip out.

I walked over and wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him close. "He's almost a teenager. Soon, he'll be gone all the time. Our moments with the kids are limited and we need to hold onto them for as long as we can. I will make it up to you; I promise but let's spend the day together."

I returned his poochie face right back at him and he crumbled.

"Alright honey. What do you want to do with the kids?" He wrapped his arms around me before resting his chin on the top of my head.

"It doesn't look like rain today, thank goodness. We could bundle up and head to the beach for a picnic. What if we had some of the gang meet up this evening for a bonfire? Doesn't that sound so nice, cuddling up by the warmth of the flames?" I was getting so excited. I missed everyone and some of those cool evenings spent by the fire with the pack were some of the memories I held onto the most.

Reluctantly we pulled away from each other and went to tell Jensen his fate.

XXX

Jensen's punishment turned into a wonderful bonding afternoon with my family. At first, Jensen pouted but as soon as he put his attitude in check, he became the loving boy I remembered. Jacob, Jensen, Lucy and even Lucky (who'd accompanied us to the beach) played ball and even a Frisbee. Ava stayed curled up next to me under a blanket as I sketched.

"Mommy, can I draw a picture?" she asked.

I tore off a sheet, gave her a pencil and watched in awe as she drew our family with skills way beyond her eight years. When she finished I asked if I could have it, knowing that I wanted to take it back to my Jake, praying it would be enough to at least make him talk to me again.

Over the course of the afternoon, I made sure to have both of the other two draw me something, Jensen being the most reluctant of course. I folded them all up and kept them close to me at all times. They were more precious than gold to a mom that was without her children far too much.

As the sun started to set, the other families arrived one by one. It was so wonderful to see them all but so strange when Quil, Seth and Collin all showed up with not only wives but children. Brady was the only wolf with no children, though he was recently married.

The children all had their clicks. I found it funny that my son's two best friends were actually girls_. _But then again, there were no boys born within two years of him.

Rachel and Paul's twins were there, though now teenagers, they were constantly complaining about having to waste a Saturday night with family instead of their friends. Paul fumed as 'friends' meant boys and the idea of his little girls dating any boys, let alone ones like him, drove him mad.

After everyone had had their fill of hotdogs, chips and smores, Jacob gathered the entire crew around to listen to the legends. I closed my eyes as his voice soothed me, though I also found myself missing the baritone voice of Billy. Story telling was easy for Jake, his natural charisma shining through, but the way Billy wove a story had been special. I held my girls close to me, while Jensen sat as his father's feet fascinated by the stories of shape shifters and warriors.

All the little ones started drifting off to sleep and soon it was time to disperse. I hugged each and every person prompting several people to ask Jake if there was something to announce since I was so 'emotional'. Jake laughed it off but I could see the question in his owns eyes and the twinkle of happiness that accompanied that glimmer of hope.

It was late when we got home so we put the girls to bed right away and said goodnight to Jensen, who was playing his video game in bed.

"Ever read a book?" I asked him.

"Ha ha, funny one, Mom."

As I said goodnight before closing the door, I wished more than anything that I would be there to make him breakfast in the morning. But I knew it wasn't to be.

I chose an Alice in Chains t-shirt to sleep in before I crawled into the bed where Jake was already waiting.

"Any announcements, anything you want to say?" he asked while raising his brow suspiciously at me.

"I'm not pregnant if that's what you're getting at," I replied.

He seemed genuinely disappointed.

"Why do you want another one?" I asked, rubbing the lotion into my hands. I had carefully placed the folded up paper next to the camera on the nightstand, making a mental note to their location.

"Well, we're still pretty young and the kids are getting older. I have to admit that I miss the baby stage a little. What about you?"

Of course I missed the baby stage! I missed it all. I so much wanted to blurt out the truth to him, but what purpose would that serve.

"I think that I would never say no to carrying your child, another chance to create a perfect piece of us, our own immortality."

Jake pulled me into his arms. "Do you ever regret picking me? You gave up money, eternal life, all that for me."

I placed me finger quickly to his lips to silence him. "Stop! I don't regret a life with you for one minute. This," I pointed to the two of us, "this is exactly where I want to be, where I will always want to be. I love you, Jacob Black, and if I could I would scream it from the mountain top for the whole world to hear."

The smile returned to his face, the light in his eyes shining through. "Well it's not a mountain top but I think I can think of ways to make you scream." He pulled me lower in the bed and proceeded to make the most intense love I'd ever experienced. It was a connecting of our souls and I knew when I went back that some of me would be left behind, inside of him.

My eyes stared at the clock, watching the minutes tick by. He was asleep. The gentle sounds of his breathing were like music to my ears. Clutching the paper and of course a camera I'd snagged to document my day, close to my heart, I shut my eyes for the final time.

**March 1****st**** 2024 12:01 a.m.**

My eyelids shot open and instantly I knew, I knew I was back. Tearless sobs racked my body as I realized I was alone. There was no Jake to comfort me, no Edward to scold me, no Nessie, no one. I had done this to myself and I had no one to blame but me. In many ways, I was my own worst enemy.

I opened up the pictures and looked at them, reliving the moments I'd shared. The love I'd experienced in that life gave me little comfort in my own personal hell. I'd created this but I was the only one that deserved the pain, not Jake. I had to find him, had to make it up to him but how? It was that question that I would ask myself over and over again for the next four years.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: this is the t rated versions of this chapter. **

**February 28****th**** 2028 11:50 p.m.**

After spending hours looking at the photographs and my drawings, I put them away to prepare myself for this journey. I was anxious to see everyone again for my actual existence was riddled with disappoint and regret.

Is if it were even possible, I saw Jake and Nessie even less over the past four years. It had taken me four month of carrying around the folded pictures to catch Jacob alone long enough to give them to him. The reaction out of Jake had surprised me. I was hoping for some sort of connection, maybe a warm moment but I was met with stoic resolve.

He simply took them and placed them in his pocket. I like to think he gazed upon them in private but if he did, he never shared it with me. In fact, he refused to share anything with me. Jake's life revolved around Nessie and her never ending quest to have a child. A child that she thought would give her a concrete hold on Jacob and prove that their imprint was not a fluke. They spent several months at a time in Europe trying experimental treatments from some of Carlisle's colleagues in hopes of conceiving. All their efforts went for not as she continued to be unable to become pregnant.

I knew only they were in the area from something Edward had let slip but neither Jake nor my own daughter had attempted to make contact with me since their latest return from yet another fruitless trip.

Edward had taken to studying every religious philosophy he could find. He spent hours in meditative states or on long retreats to the most remote monasteries in the world. When he was home, we co-existed but were not true partners in a marriage by any stretch of the imagination.

Due to my lack of contact with other beings, when Edward was home, I sought out his company. I needed guidance in how to deal with the myriad of emotions I felt and the fact that he had gone through the same thing decades earlier. I begged him to share his experiences with me but he never would. "I will one day, when it will mean something to you, when you are ready," he would always say whenever the subject was broached.

Like an impudent child, I wanted the answers now. It was that very same characteristic that had doomed us all to our current cycle of never-ending torment and regret.

Lying under the silken sheets, I forced myself not to look at the door. Would he come? Did he even care anymore? My eyes darted to the clock on the nightstand, only two minutes left. My heart sank under the weight of the knowledge that Jacob had given up. Resigning myself to this truth, I closed my eyes and prayed for the darkness to take me away.

So distraught I didn't even notice the creaking door opening until I felt the scalding hotness of his skin as he jumped on top of me. He wrapped his arms tightly around me, anticipating some form of resistance, but he found none. I melted into his warmth as my eyes closed for the final time in my true world.

**February 29****th**** 2028 12:01 a.m.**

My next moment of awareness was of Jake nudging my arm as he sat up straight in the bed, his eyes wide in astonishment. I tried to sit up but I became keenly aware of why he was surprised. I looked down and saw the huge stomach that prevented me from moving without effort. My God, I was actually pregnant!

Jacob's hands reached out to touch the enormous baby mound but pulled back before he could make contact. He visually asked for permission. I nodded gently, letting him know it was okay.

His touch no longer felt foreign or uncomfortable to me. Knowing this was my true Jake and he was here to experience this with me was both amazing and frightening at the same time. I couldn't let myself get lost in the possibilities of things going wrong. For right now, all I wanted to do was be here, with him, in a world where we were allowed to express all that we both felt.

Movements inside my distended abdomen welcomed the touch of its father. Jake jerked his hand back from shock. "It moved?"

"I hope so, that means it's okay and healthy." I rested my own hands now on my child, only my own flesh separating us from meeting.

"I wonder how far along you are and what else has changed?" He brought his hands back and placed them alongside mine.

"Well I usually get caught up with the visions I have while sleeping and also you, well the you from here, fill in the gaps unknowingly. But I don't see that happening this time."

"I'm too excited to sleep. I want to go see the kids, wake them up, hug them." Jacob's enthusiasm was contagious. I hadn't seen him smile like this in years, decades even.

"The morning will come soon enough. Maybe we should sleep. I'm very tired for some reason. You know it feels as though it's been years since I slept," I only half joked.

"Oh… I'm sorry. I guess you're right."

I could tell he was disappointed but all that washed away when he pulled me into his arms and held me like he never planned on let me go. I closed my eyes, knowing sleep was moments away.

I heard a muffled sound but didn't think anything of it at first until I heard it again.

"Bells, honey, do you hear that?"

So it definitely was not my imagination. Jake jumped out of bed and I quickly joined him.

"Stay here," he warned.

"No way!" I followed him out the door.

Creeping down the hall, it became apparent that the sounds were coming from behind the door at the end of the hall.

"That's Jensen's room," I whispered.

Jake stopped and looked at me. "How old is he again?"

"Well he was twelve last time, so sixteen."

Jacob rolled his eyes and grunted. "I think I should do this alone, Bells. Trust me."

I stood back while he opened the door, cautiously at first before slamming it open wide with so much force that I thought he would knock it off its hinges.

"Jensen William!" he yelled out.

"Dad!" The voice that called out was not the sweet boy I remembered. It was so much deeper and that of a man.

Moments later a black haired girl that looked suspiciously like Lola Call rushed past me and out of the house carrying her clothes in front of her like a shield.

_What on earth had they been doing and did I really want to know?_

My son appeared in the doorway, naked as the day he was born, trying to follow her, but Jacob stopped him dead in his tracks. Seeing them side by side I was taken aback by how similar they looked. They could have been brothers however now bathed in the light from the hall and Jensen's room, I could see that my husband was showing little signs of aging. He must have stopped phasing to grow old with me in this world and that was comforting.

When it became apparent that Jacob was not going to allow Jensen past he turned and disappeared into his room. "Get out of my room! You just don't understand!" Jensen lamented.

"Oh I understand, I understand better than you know. If you think that you can sneak out that window and follow her, I will hear and you will be grounded. That's how much I understand what you're thinking at this very moment." Jacob pulled the door closed behind him and walked towards me.

"I don't want to know," I said before he could speak.

"No, you don't."

As we walked down the hall, I noticed that Lucy and Ava were peering out of Lucy's door. At first that confused me but with the new baby on the way, we must have put them in a room together. They both looked so much older. Heck, Lucy practically looked like a woman at the age of fourteen. Something told me that the teenage years were harder than when they were small by a mile.

When we got back to the room, I took the chance to look around and see what else had changed. On the dresser were some photos but one caught my attention in particular. It must have been taken last Easter or Mother's day based on how the family was dressed. I should have known if Jake and I decided for more kids it would not take me three years to get pregnant. In Jake's arms was a beautiful little girl about two in a frilly purple dress. I was pregnant with our fifth child not our fourth!

"Jake… we have another one."

"What?"

"Look at the photo. We have another daughter." I handed him the photograph and watched as his eyes lit up with pride.

"Five kids…" his voice trailed off and I could tell he was getting emotional. This was his first time experiencing this life and it had to be overwhelming just like it had been for me those many years ago when I was thrust into this parallel life.

"Listen, let's get some sleep and hopefully the rest will fill in naturally." I climbed in the bed and pulled the covers over my weary body.

Jake climbed in next to me, wrapping himself around me then rested his hand on my stomach.

"And Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you're here with me."

"Me too." His voice cracked slightly before all was silent and I fell into a deep slumber.

XXX

_My first image was of holding up a pee stick and Jake taking me in his arms. Then it jumped to us presenting our newest daughter to her siblings, little Journey Marie. I listened as Jake told the story of how her name was derived and smiled. It fit._

_Flickers of memories bombarded me. Yes it was Lola Call with Jensen. They had gone from best friends to more the summer before high school. Levi Uley had a crush on Lucy but Jake had forbidden her to date until she was fifteen, though it was widely suspected that Levi and Lucy were meeting on the sly._

_I saw more of the other families this time. Paul and Rachel had gone nuts when, on a family vacation to visit Rebecca, Sarah had fallen hard for a local surfer, much like her aunt. The difference was Paul took her kicking and screaming back to La Push. Afraid she would run away since she was almost eighteen, they reluctantly agreed to let Jayson come to La Push and live with them. _

_Embry received a well-deserved promotion at the cannery and built a large house just down the street from us for his family. Seth's dentistry practice was booming now and he, Sherri and their kids moved into the Cullen's old place, with their complete consent. Jared now owned his own boat and so the Cameron's were doing well. The Uley's still had their bar but it was now called "Rehab" ironically and it was the main hangout for the gang. Everyone seemed to be prospering and all of La Push seemed to flourish from their presence. _

_My final thoughts were of finding out this surprise bundle of joy, seeing the ultrasound and knowing I was having a boy._

Small kisses on my neck pulled me from the dream state. Before I even opened my eyes I smiled.

"Jake…" I halfheartedly protested.

"Not a chance, Bells. I can kiss you and tell you I love you here and I plan on spending the day doing both."

"You know, once we cross a line… it will be impossible to go back entirely," I warned.

"I honestly don't care. Give me this one day and we can deal with it when we go home. You have no idea what my life is really like so please, just for today, no limits, no regrets."

I nodded at him eagerly. We both needed this and just for this once, none of the rest of it existed.

Jacob's lips were back on me in a flash but before his kisses could lead to something more, the door opened and a little girl ran into the room, climbing up the bed as she squealed. "Mommy, Daddy, up, up. I want waffles."

Part of me wanted to tell her to ask Lucy to make them but these were the moments I missed the most.

"Are your sisters and bother up yet, Journey?"

Jacob stiffened at the sound of her name.

I mouthed the word "later" to him before giving our daughter back my full attention.

She shook her head no. "Jake, go check and make sure that Jensen is still in his room and wake the girls up. I'm going to the kitchen and making breakfast for my family."

"Sounds like a plan. I love you, Bells." His words were music to my ears as he leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

"I love you too." The words were spoken directly from my own heart.

"Yucky! Mommy and Daddy kissing!" Journey scrunched up her little face in protest.

"Be happy your mommy and daddy love each other," I reminded her.

She hopped down and ran out the door.

I went to leave but Jake stopped me.

He reached up and traced the space around my eyes and looked at me with wonder.

"What?"

"It's just that you have a few lines around your eyes, but Bells, you are more beautiful now than I have ever seen you. I just wish you had these laugh lines all the time."

I went over to the mirror and sure enough, I have several lines not only by eyes but a few by mouth. Several gray strands now peppered my hair but even with these signs of aging I had to agree with Jake. I had never looked better. Why had I been so afraid of aging? When lines meant something there was no reason to fear them. If only I'd known…

"Come on, let's go have our day."

Jake nodded and followed me out the door to our awaiting family.

XXX

All the kids joined us for breakfast and we spent the entire day and into the evening having a lazy Sunday around the house. Being with our children is what Jacob and I both wanted above all else. I took great joy in seeing Jake take time with each of his children from playing video games with Jensen after a long heart to heart about respecting the house rules and women to a marathon Monopoly game with Lucy and Ava. I especially loved watching as Jake and Journey colored together on the living room floor. I noticed him stuffing one of her masterpieces in his pocket knowing all too well why he was doing it. He had kept the pictures from the others. I knew they had to mean something to him though he hadn't showed me before now.

Somehow we even managed to sneak off from the kids long enough for a long shower together. At first we really were just going to make out. I was past my due date and we were a little afraid of getting too frisky but the chance to be together, in this skin that was attracted to one another and not repelled by each other, was too good to pass up.

Our love making was everything I could have hoped for and so much more. His touch was reverent, almost like he was worshiping at an altar. I drank him in like sunshine into my very soul, the feelings that blanketed Jake and me, caused us both to weep in each other's arms.

Jake stepped out of the shower and left the bathroom needing a moment to compose himself. I took the time alone to thank God for this opportunity and prayed again that it would not be the last.

I had just finished dressing when I heard a ruckus from the living room.

"Keep your horny son away from my daughter," Leah railed as she pointed her finger at Jake's chest.

"Lucy, take Ava and Journey to your room and turn the music up loud," I ordered. Maybe it was the hormones or the fact she was attacking Jake but I lost it.

I grabbed her arm and jerked her away from him. "Listen here. It wasn't Jensen in Lola's room naked last night. So you need to get your facts straight before you start your mouth."

Embry stepped into the conversation. "What? We came over here because we found illicit texts from your son, including pictures. Now you're saying she was here naked last night. Why in the hell didn't you bring her home last night and tell us?"

In truth, he was right. We should have. I'm sure the real me would have done just that but I, we, were so caught up in the rest that we failed our responsibilities.

"I'm sorry. We should have but there is nothing we can do to change this now. What we need to be figuring out is what to do now and not fighting with each other," I told them as Jake took his place at my side, wrapping an arm protectively around me.

"This has to stop. I'm not going to have my daughter show up pregnant at sixteen."

"We're not stupid, Mom. We always use something."

"Well condoms break, you're a prime example of it!" Leah swore.

"Leah!" Embry called out, trying to calm his hell cat of a wife.

"I'm not going to lie to her. She seems to thinks she's an adult so I'm going to talk to her like one."

Things were deteriorating fast and I didn't know what to do to stop it. Luckily I didn't have to, nature did it for me as fluid gushed down my legs, making a large puddle on the floor.

"Mom!" Jensen was the first one to notice as he raced across the room to be by my side.

"Bells, is it the baby?" Jake asked, not believing the timing of all of this.

"Of course it's the baby," Leah spat as her focus was now on my impending delivery. "I'll call Dr. Lappert and have her meet us at Forks Hospital."

I hadn't even had the first pain yet and didn't know what the rush was all about.

"Why are you in such a hurry?"

"How soon you forget. Journey took less than two hours to make her appearance and since this is your fifth kid… you might just squat down and he might fall out on the floor."

"Nice Leah, let's just try to get Bella to the car," Embry said.

My own husband was too in shock to be of much good so Embry and Leah took charge. "Jensen, go get yours sisters and take them to the hospital. Lola, go home and stay with your brother until we get there. Don't think this conversation is over by any stretch of the imagination but it will have to wait," Leah barked out the orders.

Jacob and I rode with Leah and Embry as Jensen followed driving his sisters. The pains had started and although I'd "had" four prior children, this was all new to me. I screamed out with each sting and every new sensation.

True to himself, Jacob was there holding my hand through it all, from twinges of discomfort to the most intense crippling pain. I knew things were advancing but not fast enough. The hours drug on and when I looked up at the clock on the wall of my hospital room and saw that is was already after eleven in the evening, I prayed to deliver soon so that both Jake and I could experience this together and to have that moment to carry us through an eternity.

I felt our time slipping away and as if by shear will I heard the nurse say the thing I needed to hear more than anything. "It's time to push."

As the nurses moved around the room, taking the table apart, bringing over the bassinet and warmer, Jacob leaned down and kissed the top of my head. "I can't believe we get to experience this. I love you so much, Bells and when we get back…"

I stopped him, not ready to face it, not yet. "Let's just meet our son and deal with what happens later."

Dr. Lappert walked in after the nurses had me propped up in the stirrups. "Let's have a baby!" she enthusiastically said. Her warm smile calmed my nerves instantly.

I grabbed onto Jake's hand as he held one leg and the nurse had the other. Together they started the count. "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten!"

I pushed with everything I had in me, anxious to meet my child.

"Great job!" Dr. Lappert enthused. "I can tell you've done this a time or two. I can already see his head. Give me a few more of those and you two can meet your son before midnight. Won't that be cool, a Leap Day baby."

I looked up at Jake and he smiled at me. We both saw the irony of this situation. The next wave of contractions hit and I was back to work.

Two more pushes and his head was out.

"Stop pushing, stop pushing," the doctor call out. "I need to suction his mouth."

"Can you see his face?" I asked Jake.

Tears were forming in his eyes. "I see him. He's so beautiful, just like his mommy."

"Okay, now one big push and he will be here," Dr. Lappert told me.

I reached down deep inside myself and with everything I had I pushed. Feeling his body slide out of mine, I knew it was over. I looked down as she held up the squealing gooey little boy for us to see.

"It's defiantly a boy."

"We have a son," Jake whispered in my ear.

"A son," I repeated reverently.

"Care to cut the cord, Daddy?"

Jacob nervously grabbed the scissors and cut along the place just under the clamp that the doctor pointed at. Now separated from me, the nurse wrapped him in a blanket and placed him on my chest.

"Drake Jacob," I cooed as I reached out to touch him.

"Drake Jacob," he affirmed.

I glanced over at the clock as it was getting ready to strike midnight. It was too soon! I needed more time! But I could feel my body getting colder as the moments clicked by.

"Jake, I love you." I wanted my last words to be to him just in case.

I could hear him saying the words back to me as I slipped away.

**March 1****st**** 2028 12:01 a.m.**

The scalding feel of Jake's skin on mine was what I first noticed as I opened my eyes.

"Jake!" I screamed out, so fearfully he had not come back with me.

"I'm right here," he told me as pulled me tighter into his arms. Nothing mattered but the feel of him, no matter how repugnant it was in our current forms.

"We had a baby," I whispered.

"He was the most beautiful thing in the world. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to see my son being born. I will carry it with me always."

We had been unaware that Nessie and Edward were standing only feet away. They'd both been concerned by the fact that Jake went back with me and since this had never happened before as far as anyone knew, no one knew what to expect. The one thing they hadn't counted on was this revelation.

"A baby?" Nessie shrieked as she ran from the room in tears.

He had no choice. Jake's imprint kicked into high gear as he jumped off the bed and ran after her.

I was alone now with my husband Edward staring at me with disappointment in his eyes.

"It's always been all about you, hasn't it my love? Now look what you've done. You've hurt your own daughter with your obsession with a life that never existed. She is real. She is your flesh and blood, yet you treat her like an afterthought. If not for Esme, Rose and Alice, I doubt she would have had any female influence in her life at all."

"But that life is real… I live it every four years. I love those children just at I love Nessie."

"No, correction, you love them more than Nessie. I'm sure you kiss them and tell them you love them. When was the last time you told your daughter you loved her?" With those words he turned and left the room.

I was alone again but this time I realized I was alone because of me. Though I still would count the days till the next Leap Day, I made a vow to at least try to live in my world and not simply exist. I wasn't sure exactly what that would even be like but I had to try.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight or Twilight related.**

**A/N: I have to warn the chapter is a little Jacob light but it is important to explain so much of what is going on. Never fear, Jacob will be a huge part of the rest of this story. Again, thanks for reading. And again this is the t rated version with a warning for emotional angst. Thanks.**

**February 28****th**** 2032- 11:30 p.m.**

As I lay in my bed, not knowing if Jake would show up again, my mind scanned through memories of the past four years. Four years- such a long period of time yet so incredibly short too. There was so much that had changed yet not nearly enough.

Nessie disappeared after witnessing our intimate moment. It had taken Jake over a week to locate her as Nessie had all but disappeared with Rose kicking into overprotective aunt mode and sticking her nose in where it didn't belong. Rose and Emmett's place in northern Maine had become Nessie's sanctuary with Rose standing guard, protecting her niece from the big bad wolf. After getting past Rose, it took over six weeks of begging for Nessie to return with him.

In that time period I'd had no contact with Jake. It wasn't until they returned that we even had the chance to speak and by then, everything had changed. Nessie was pregnant.

Only a few days after their return, Nessie suffered a miscarriage that she blamed on Jake insisting that she travel back to Minnesota, where we currently lived. Carlisle tried to tell her that it wasn't the travel but as always it was Jake that took the brunt of her anger.

As much as I wanted to go to my daughter, I knew that now was not the time. The irony of us being full of jealousy and resentment towards each other was not lost on me. We both had what the other wanted and neither of us were truly happy with the hand we were dealt.

It was a few months after that first miscarriage that Carlisle came up with his theory that Jake and Nessie were in fact NOT true imprints, at least not full ones. A key element had to be missing which kept their bond from being complete. Her problems with conceiving and now carrying a child to term along with Jake's inability to let me go completely were inconsistent with what everyone knew of imprinting.

Carlisle encouraged Jake to reach out to the remaining members of his old pack and ask questions but Jake had severed all ties years before. He didn't even return for his father's funeral. The only way he knew Billy had passed on was through my trips each Leap Day. My own family even believed that I had died years prior. We were completely isolated from the life we both once knew. That was yet another regret to add to my growing list.

Months had gone by when I finally found the courage to reach out to Jake. One day we actually found ourselves alone, a very unusual occurrence. Nessie and Edward had traveled down to Minneapolis for a play, something they both enjoyed.

I'd confronted him on how he felt. In true Jake fashion, he was honest but what he had to tell me astonished me. He told me that he still loved me and his words came out as easy as what he had for dinner. It just simply was a true fact. The next part was hardest for us both to hear. It didn't matter, actually it couldn't matter. Nessie was his imprint and unless something magical happened for him, that wasn't going to change. When Nessie had taken off and Jake was searching for her, he was physically and mentally deteriorating. It wasn't until he found her that he was able to function. He hated it, but it was a fact. He needed her.

I think, until he told me himself, that some small part of me wanted to believe he could just push the imprint aside and find a way to be with me, especially after what we'd share. Jake of this reality and not my husband Jake from Leap Day had made love to me that day back in February and that colored how we looked at one another but only made the memory of that day even more bittersweet. He experienced how perfect our life was and we both confessed the depths of our devotion. When we finished talking that day, I understood that unless something changed, I would never have him again, at least not in this life.

This knowledge didn't send me running back to Edward. No, we both knew that our marriage was over. Too much damage had been done to ever get back what we once had. I took the sole blame but he wouldn't let me. He insisted that when he knew about my feeling for Jake, when they'd been confirmed on the mountain top, he should have stepped aside that night when I'd cried myself to sleep at the knowledge that I'd hurt him once again. Edward confessed a truth that I'd long since suspected. Our attraction, my obsession with him was just that, an obsession. He'd warned me when we first met that everything about him pulled me in, but I never realized just how much of my devotion was addiction until it was too late.

Edward reminded me that if not for his selfishness that Nessie would never have been born and Jake and I would have had no obstacles in being together. In the next breath he told me that he'd do it all over again, live the same painful existence because Nessie did exist. She was his miracle, his reason for still being on this earth.

We both knew I wasn't going to go out looking for another mate and since Edward found such solace in his mediations and religious retreats, we found no reason not to go on the way we had been for years but there would be one exception, Nessie.

Nessie needed to be a priority and I needed to mend that relationship before it was too late. At first Nessie had rebuffed all my attempts to improve our relationship. Months passed and still she barely acknowledged me. When she became pregnant a second time, roughly a year later, she softened. As painful as it was for me to act happy for her, a small part of me actually was. She was my daughter and Jake, well I loved him, and if they could find peace in this world, even at the expense of my own heartache, well so be it.

Alas, it was not to be. Five weeks into the pregnancy, she lost it. Those five weeks had taxed her body greatly and Carlisle was beginning to wonder if a pregnancy was even compatible with her make-up. She'd been sick the entire time, but I'd never seen her so happy. Then again, if I were to be honest with myself, my own child was a stranger to me. This was just the first time I'd noticed her happy. Surely they'd been others. Even her wedding day, I was so caught up in my own jealously and grief at the thought of her marrying Jake, I hadn't taken notice of how beautiful she looked and how she radiated as she practically floated down the aisle on her father's arm.

The one emotion I did recognize on my daughter's face was disappointment. I saw it every time she looked at me. As soon as her pregnancy failed, any progress I'd made to regain my daughter failed with it.

Two more failed pregnancies left Jake and Nessie in an impossible position and isolated me from my daughter even more that I thought possible. She hated that I'd given Jake children and the fact that I'd shared the birth of a son with him tore at her very soul.

All this brought me to tonight. I anxiously awaited my time to slip away from my daily hell on earth but would I have a companion this time? I simply didn't know. Seven weeks ago, Nessie had found out that she was pregnant yet again. Every day that she carried the child past the five week point seemed like a miracle to them both. They were closer than ever and so how I fit into Jake's new world, I wasn't sure.

I couldn't help but hold my breath when five minutes before midnight Jake walked in the door. I refused to let myself get too excited until I knew what he was going to say. Relief washed over me when he took off his shoes and crawled into the bed with me.

"Are you sure?"

He nodded but didn't say anything else. Nessie's pregnancy had changed a lot of things but our relationship was the thing that changed the most. I didn't complain however, any crumb I received was more than I deserved so I gladly took it.

Jake wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer. I ignored the way his skin felt on mine, the slight irritation I felt being this close to his smell. Over the years I'd grown accustomed to it but this close up, it was still hard to handle.

**12:00 a.m.**

Nothing.

**12:01 a.m.**

Nothing.

**12:02 a.m.**

Nothing.

**12:03 a.m. **

Jake spoke out. "Bella?"

"No! Don't say it," I was barely able to make the words come out of my mouth.

"What does this mean again? Why didn't it work?"

"I'm dead," I murmured.

"What?" Jake asked as he shot up straight in the bed.

"I'm dead," I said with more confidence. The realization of that fact was becoming clearer. Sometime between now and four years ago, I would have died. I'd only been forty on my last trip. I died in my early forties! I left behind a husband and five children! They needed me, I needed them! What if it wasn't just me? What if some great catastrophe killed me and my whole family or some of us?

I wished to God that I could cry as I began to mourn a mortality that I'd thrown away without a second thought. What on earth had I been thinking?

Jake was doing his best to comfort me though he was going through issues of his own. He would never be able to experience that life again, see our children, to be my husband and lover. Though I could no longer produce tears, his were plentiful, which he shed openly for us both.

The wetness of the drops falling on my skin was a reminder that I was not the only one in pain or losing something here. Again I was forced to deal with the heartache I inflicted on others as self-disgust enveloped me.

We needed to talk about what we were feeling, get it out into the open before it could fester into something greater but neither of us had the balls to do it. The agony was still too fresh and the open wounds needed time to heal. We were both stuck in reality for the rest of our existence and there would be no magical get away to forget and love each other freely.

Reluctantly he pulled away; Jake wasn't even able to look at me as he spoke. "I need to go check on Nessie. She wasn't doing well when I left. You know, the pregnancy is hard on her."

I nodded and turned away, not wanting to watch as he walked out the door. The sound of the door closing was the perfect metaphor for my life at the moment. That part of my existence was closed off and behind me. Now I had to forge forward into the unknown alone and scared.

When I heard the door open, I turned quickly hoping it was Jake, instead it was my husband that now stood before me.

"I saw Jacob leave and my suspicions were confirmed."

"Suspicions? Don't speak in riddles, Edward. I can't take them, not tonight. What are you talking about?"

"After you came back last time, well shortly afterwards Nessie became pregnant. Though she hasn't been able to carry a child to full term, she has continued to get pregnant. I had to ask myself, what changed? Now that you know you have passed away in your natural form, I think we have the answer."

"You're saying that by me dying it loosen up some cosmic restriction on Nessie being able to get pregnant? I'm not sure I believe that."

"It makes perfect sense if you think about it. How could she get pregnant when you, his true imprint and soul mate was still living? We both know deep down in our hearts that it's true. You two were meant for each other and the only reason he imprinted on Nessie was her connection to you. Everyone sees that the imprint it not typical, I mean he still loves you. How would that be possible if you two did not share that connection? "

I was stunned by Edward's observations. It all made perfect sense but why was she still unable to carry a child? What still had to happen to let Nessie and Jake have their happily ever after?

"So why does she keep losing the babies?"

"I'm not positive, but the fact that she is partially his mortal enemy may have a big part of it. Was there ever supposed to be a child that would be part human, vampire and shape shifter?"

"So where does this leave us, in a cycle of continual pain? I won't accept that. Jake and Nessie don't deserve it."

Edward began clapping. At first I was confused and then I became irritated.

"What the …?" I cursed.

"I'm proud of you for thinking of Nessie for once. Maybe all is not lost."

His condescending tone raked across my last nerve. "Whatever Edward, it's not like you would understand."

"That is where you are wrong. Did I not warm you about taking this journey into the grey area, the what might have been? But you wouldn't listen to me. I knew all along the pain it would cause yet I could deny you nothing. You chose this path and I only wish I'd protected you from it."

"So tell me your story, Edward. I want to know what your Leap Day life was like. How many years did you get?"

He locked eyes with me for a minute looking as if he would defy my request but his shoulder slumped in defeat as he sat on the bed next to me. I didn't understand at the time, but I was the first to hear his story. Edward had kept it for himself to cherish.

"Her name was Lillian Underwood and I met her in college. I'd noticed her around campus but she was always so shy and aloof. Lillian also had long brown hair and brown eyes that I seem to love. She came across as this frail creature that I needed to protect but then she opened her mouth and I heard her sing."

He was caught up in his memories and there was softness to Edward that shone through. He began again.

"The angels were speaking directly to me through her voice. I volunteered to act as a practice partner for her knowing she was trying out for the school musical. The hours I spent with her were magical and I was lucky enough for her to feel it too. Not only did she win the part but she won my heart. We courted for the rest of college. After I graduated I went on tour playing the piano but I was only a warm up act compared to the talent of my Lillian."

"I asked her to marry me and was surprised when she said yes. In those days, marriage and a career did not always go hand in hand. She loved me more than singing she often told me, loved me more than anything. We had two glorious years touring Europe and American before she became pregnant. She gave up her career to have our son and never regretted it. "

I was heartbroken for them yet I also was Happy that Edward understood.

"We settled in an upper class Chicago Suburb where I taught piano and she gave singing lessons. Our life was extremely comfortable. Merrick Edward was born a few months later followed by a sister, Adelaide Elizabeth, three years later. I lived a long happy life with my Lillian and our children. Merrick became a lawyer, married and gave us three wonderful grandchildren. Adelaide followed the musical footsteps that we paved for her and ended up on Broadway. She married later in life and was blessed with one child."

Edward turned and took my hands in his.

"I lived a very long life. I died somewhere between 1984 and 1988. The entire time I was going back, I never looked for a mate. I didn't give it a second thought, content to live in memories until the day I met you."

We were both quiet. Edward had bared himself to me in a way he never had and though I felt closer to him now, it didn't change anything.

"We can't help who we love. You love Jacob and I only wished I'd know how wrong I was to come between you two years ago. But Bella, we have to put Nessie first. She is carrying a child and that has to take priority."

"I know that! I've put Nessie before myself for the first time in years, thought I don't know that anyone really sees how much I'm trying to change. I know I've lost my chance and I only want her and Jake to be happy. They are the innocents paying for our mistakes."

Edward patted my leg before getting up. "I'll work on Nessie. After she gives him a child, she will be more confident that he won't leave. You know that's what all this about, don't you? She is jealous of you and you are jealous of her."

Before we could finish our conversation, Jake burst into the room carrying an unconscious and bleeding Nessie.

"I found her this way! Help me!" He screamed as he laid her on top of my bed.

"I'll get Carlisle!" Edward rushed out of the room.

"Stay with me!" Jake begged.

"She's losing so much blood," I whispered. I watched in horror as my daughter's life seemed to be slipping away right before my eyes.

Carlisle was there within moments and pushed me side. He instructed Jake to take her to his lab where Edward was prepping the room. I followed behind but was turned away at the door by Esme. Edward had a medical background and Jake was her imprint and his presence was needed but mine was not.

I sat outside the closed door on the floor not knowing if my child would live or die. They all walked out of the room a short time later.

"She's stabilized for now but I'm afraid the pregnancy will kill her if she continues it," Carlisle informed us.

"Then take it," Edward immediately insisted and Jake seemed to agree.

"It's Nessie's call," I spoke up. All eyes focused on me. For the first time I knew what I had to do. Nessie and I were a lot like and I knew with every fiber of my being that she would die for her child; just as I would have died to give birth to her.

"Bella, while I appreciate your concern…" Carlisle began.

"I KNOW better than any of you what she feels. Esme… you understand don't you." I looked over, praying she would join me in my fight to honor Nessie's wishes.

Esme linked her arm with mine and we stood firm in front of the door to the lab. "It's Nessie's decision," she concurred.

"You have my word I will not do anything until she has a say," Carlisle vowed.

We stepped aside but followed him inside the room. When we reached the bed, Nessie was awake. I knew what was getting ready to happen would shape our lives forever, but I didn't have a clue how much.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight or Twilight related.**

**A/N: This chapter deals with harsh issues including possible character death. This is the second to the last chapter and I hope it develops the characters and takes them to where they need to be. I know some of you don't care for certain people in the story, but they all serve a purpose and hopefully, in the end, it will be worth the journey. Thanks!**

After waiting several hours l was finally allowed in. Walking into the room, my tunnel vision led me directly to my daughter. Carlisle was looking over at his computer, plugging in information while Jake and Edward stood guard on either side of Nessie. Esme and I inched our way inside. An aura of gloom lingered and slowly encompassed everything and everyone in its wake.

Carefully I crept towards the bed that housed my child. With every step it became more apparent that Nessie was incredibly ill. Her pale skin was void of any color, all hint of rosy cheeks washed away.

The seriousness of her condition stopped me dead in my tracks. I was looking into the face of death and it frightened me. By removing myself from all living friends and family, I'd shielded myself from their loss. I was supposed to have forever with my husband, extended family, child and best friend. I wasn't supposed to feel loss, but here it was at my door.

Edward let go of her hand and moved to my side. "It's not looking good, Bella. Please talk to her," he urged.

As I took my place by her side, I could not help but feel guilty. I'd not been there for so many of the most important events of her life because of my own selfish nature and now that all I had in this world was in this room with me, I was acting like a mother. I felt like a complete hypocrite.

She turned her head and looked up at me. For a moment I saw the small child that I used to tuck in at night, before everything changed, before my first Leap Day.

"Mom…" she called out.

"Ssshh Nessie, save your strength," Jake pleaded.

Nessie shot him a disgruntle look that silenced him in an instant.

"I need to talk to you. You are the only person that understands. They say that having my baby will kill me. Even if I do make it far enough along, the child still might die. Carlisle, Jake and Dad all think it's best to terminate but how can I do it?"

I looked over at Jacob and Edward, both pleading with me to reinforce their opinion but how could I?

"Nessie, why are you asking me?"

"Because you are the only one that can give me an educated answer. Didn't Dad and Jake try to get you to abort me?"

Both Jacob and Edward turned their heads away in shame and self-loathing.

"They didn't know you, Nessie. If they would have known you then I'm positive they wouldn't have encouraged me to terminate. You aleady know that."

"I do but..." she squeezed Jake's hand to reassure him of her acceptance and understanding, "tell me this, Mom. If you had to do all over again, would you still put your life at risk to have me?"

I was silent, not sure how to respond.

"How can you ask me that? I've seen you, held you, and loved you!"

"That's not what I'm asking. If you would have chosen not to have me, you might have stayed human. You more than likely would have figured out your real feelings as you grew older and you could have had that family that you've loved so much for the past twenty years, a family with Jake."

I instantly averted my eyes, trying not to betray how her words affected me. It was true, what she said was true. Though that's not what happened. I remembered how it felt when I felt her move within me, when I saw her face for the first time. What kind of monster would I be to tell her that I wished I'd killed her? Simple, I wasn't.

"Nessie," I said as I grabbed her hand taking my rightful place by my daughter's side. "I would never make any decision that would create a world where you did not exist."

The words I spoke were honest and straight from my long stilled heart.

"So you'll back me up then? Just like when Aunt Rose helped you keep me? Because Mom, I want my baby to live no matter what. It's the most important thing here, my own little miracle."

Jake dropped Nessie's other hand and ran out of the room. As much as I wanted to follow, I couldn't. For once I was going to be where I should have been for so long, by my child's side.

Edward turned to me, shocked by my words. "I hope you know you've just signed your own child's death warrant." He left the room moments later.

I looked down at Nessie and for the first time in recent memory she was smiling back at me. "Thanks, I knew you'd understand. Forgive me but I'm so tired. I think I need a nap."

"Just rest now because you will need all your strength." I bent down and kissed her on the forehead.

She closed her eyes and drifted off as Esme took over watch. I walked towards Carlisle to talk to him privately.

"Is it really life and death?"

"There is no miracle venom to save her like we did with you. Judging by its negative effect on her health, the fetus she is carrying is mostly shape shifter. It's attacking her from the inside. The fetus is defying all known laws of nature by existing. I honestly don't think she will carry to where the fetus is even viable but she insists."

I sat down in the chair next to him and let it all sink in. Guilt washed over me, for one second the thought her dying and the imprint being released crossed my mind. Perhaps I truly was a monster.

"By my calculations, she is measuring slightly larger than expected. For every three weeks of gestation, an extra week of growth is noted. Judging by this finding, she should be full term by twenty-five or so weeks. She's almost eight now. I guess all we can do now is wait and see. We can only treat her as problems arise."

I nodded as a reflex response. My mind was racing with no coherent thoughts. Though I didn't breathe, I needed fresh air or maybe more like a change of scenery. Without excusing myself, I got up and left the room.

Once outside, I took off running through the forest as fast as my feet would take me. I don't know how long I ran or even where I ended up. What I did know was the pull of the wailing wolf and my own body's betrayal by running towards those howls.

I crept up on the giant russet wolf but he knew I was there. He stayed in wolf form to avoid speaking to me. His eyes betrayed his feelings of hurt and betrayal.

"What did you want me to do, Jake?"

He snorted before turning to walk away.

"No! Phase this instant and tell me what the right thing to do is!"

Seconds later a naked Jake stood before me with no thought to his state of undress for his anger was controlling all rational thought.

"You want me to tell you the right thing, Bella? You don't know it for yourself? She's your daughter and you can't even put her welfare first!"

"I am putting her welfare first, that is what you can't understand."

"Explain this to me, enlighten me!"

"If we force her to get rid of the baby, which you KNOW she wants more than anything, she will blame us all. This is her decision, just as it was mine all those years ago."

"And we know how well that decision turned out for everyone now don't we," he sneered while turning his back on me.

I rushed over, grabbed his shoulder and turned him around. Fire burned in his eyes as he glowered at me for my man handling of him.

"Don't you get it! The imprint makes me protect her above all else."

"What about your child?"

He started to speak but stopped himself.

"That is your child she is carrying so surely the wolf wants its offspring to live."

"It's a shifter and a vamp… what chance does it even have to be normal?" Jake's demeanor was changing, softening.

"That child Nessie is carrying is still a part of you, Jake. It has a chance, however small, of letting you be a true father. How could I want something that is a part of you destroyed?"

"It may not make it… even if she does carry to term. I can't lose her and the baby," he murmured.

"Carlisle said it's growing slightly faster than normal. By twenty-five weeks she will be full term. I'm sure if it's born a few weeks before then, it will be okay. It's got you as a father so I know it's a fighter."

He blushed at my last comment.

"We just have to get them to that critical point. You can still have it all, still be a father. Jake, you know that is what you want more than anything."

"Almost anything," he whispered, turning away.

I knew it was wrong. My whole body, my mind screamed at me to stop but I was powerless. Closing the small gap between us, I found myself at his side and taking him in my arms. The first initial contact made us both jerk back but we both wanted the closeness enough to ignore the shock of our skins touching. Jake and I reached out again; this time prepared for the temperature differences and embraced one another.

I told myself this was comfort only. Even when our lips met, I tried to convince myself that in no way was I causing Jake to cheat on his wife. We needed this closeness, the security that only the other could provide. He was the first to pull away.

"We need to check on her. The sun's coming up. We've been gone too long."

I simply nodded and followed him back to the house.

XXX

As we approached the house, I noticed that Rose and Emmett's truck was in the driveway. Of course she would be there. She'd been the mother Nessie needed when I wasn't there. We hadn't even reached the front door when Rose came barreling out of it, getting in my face.

"Oh how nice of you and your lover to show up!"

Emmett appeared behind her. "Enough, Rose."

"Jacob is not my lover and you know that," I replied.

"Not yet! Isn't this all working out so perfectly for you, Bella. Your daughter will kill herself and you can have your mutt all to yourself!"

"I don't want her to die," I protested. Her words had struck me deeper than any physical punch or hit, for there was truth in them.

"Of course you don't. I believe you and I'm sure Jake and Edward do too. Bella is never selfish. Everyone knows that!"

"She's my daughter and I'm just trying to support what she wants. I would think you would be helping her. You helped me! I thought you valued children's lives and that is a sweet innocent baby, Rose."

"I am protecting a child. I'm protecting Nessie. She is like my own. I was the one who practically raised her after you became self-obsessed. I was the one who helped her get ready for prom. I even helped her put on her wedding dress. She is mine in every way that counts. You just gave birth to her. Now that you don't have that other family to love, she becomes a priority. Isn't that ironic?"

Rose smirked, knowing she had hit a nerve. She surprised me by not going for the jugular but I suppose she knew the damage she'd already inflicted. Turning around, she disappeared into the house followed by her husband.

"Are you okay?" Jake asked.

"Yeah," I lied.

"I need to go check on her." Jake squeezed my hand before walking inside.

I stood by myself and pondered everything that was going on. If I could sleep, I would have welcomed slumber to take all my pain away but I was stuck. Today had already been the most mind blowing experience of my life. I'd found out about my natural death and now faced losing the only child I had left. She looked to me for guidance and I was trying to give her the best I could, however now, even I questioned my motives.

XXX

Days turned into weeks. We all took turns being by Nessie's side. I watched as she grew weaker and gaunter. Edward stayed away more than I would have thought. He kept saying that he couldn't go through it all again, that Nessie was that only reason for him to exist and if something happened to her, well he never finished that thought.

Jake was an ever present fixture at her side. Though as the weeks went on, I think his focus seemed to change. The wolf did want the child to survive over his imprint. I could see it and I'm sure that the others did to. When Carlisle would let us hear the heartbeat or show images on the ultrasound screen, Jake beamed with pride. He and Rose bickered non-stop once she picked up on his switching alliance.

Rose tried to push me out of the way completely but Nessie would have none of it. Nessie and I bonded for the first time in decades. She wanted to know every detail, every moment I remembered from my pregnancy with her. Slowly that drifted to her early years as I was pulled back into the time before Leap Day, when she was my world. I shared it all with her because that was all I had.

Alice and Jasper arrived within days of her diagnosis. Alice and Rose both made it clear that I was the enemy. My best friend was a stranger to me. They all were. The family that I had died for, died to belong to were nothing to me. The only person I felt as if I knew was Jacob and it really wasn't him, it was the him from my other life. I'd never felt so alone.

XXX

It was late in the evening and most of the others were out on a hunt. I was alone with my daughter as she slept. The only other person in the room was Jake, who was also asleep. Trying to keep all my worries off my mind, I sat down and read a book. Lost in the other world I barely heard her voice, now barely a whisper.

"Mom."

Turning I saw her eyes looking up at me, pleading with me to make it all go away.

"Yes, Nessie."

"I'm so scared." Tears were forming in the corners of her eyes.

Taking her hand in mine, I brought it up to my lips and pressed them against it. "Don't be scared. I'm right here. Jake is here. You're surrounded by those who love you."

"What do you think heaven will be like?"

Her question caught me off guard.

"Heaven?"

"When I die, I hope that's where I go."

"You're not going to die, Nessie."

"Yes I am but I'm okay with that. My little one is ready to be born, my Jacob Mason. Jake will be a wonderful father, but you already know that. I just wish I would be there to see him grow up to be just like his daddy."

"You will be, baby."

"Don't lie. We both know that isn't true. But he will need a mommy. I want you to be his mom."

"I can't!"

"Just promise me that you will be a better mother to him than you were to me most of my life. Be there for him, encourage him, and show him all the love that I longed for."

"Nessie, I…"

"Promise me!"

I nodded, giving her my reassurance.

Calmness came over Nessie as a lop-sided smile crept across her cracked lips.

The room was suddenly filled with loud alarms and beeps going off. Jake was instantly by her side as Carlisle and Edward rushed in. The others were still too far away. I looked down on the face of my daughter and her eyes were now fixed and staring off. She couldn't be!

"Bella, Jake, get out of here. I need room to work," Carlisle demanded as he grabbed some machine.

Edward came immediately to his aid as they both went to work on Nessie. Jake fought them at first, not wanting to leave her side but I pulled him back. I was numb but I knew any chance she had, any chance her son had, was in the hands of the men now working on her.

Time whirled by as we listened and watched. Carlisle, usually so calm under pressure, screamed orders as Edward blindly followed them. The machine sirens never stopped and soon blood covered the floor of the makeshift OR. Carlisle pulled a screaming glob of blood and goo from Nessie's limp body and handed him to his grandfather. Edward hesitated. His was torn between his daughter and the squirming helpless part of her that he now held in his arms.

"The baby, take care of the baby, Edward," Carlisle barked.

Edward did as he was told. The baby seemed to be perfectly healthy, small but strong. When he was sure that the child's life was no longer in danger, he brought the baby to Jake and placed him in his arms before rushing back to help with Nessie.

Jake's attention was now solely on the tiny dark haired boy that settled down the moment he was placed inside his father's warm embrace. A huge smile was plastered on Jacob's face as he gazed upon his boy, a boy that looked so much like the sons we'd had together.

The noise and commotion in the background seem to fade away as we were both transfixed by this miracle. He was no monster, though surely the only one of his kind. He was simple Jake's son and that was all that matter. I reached out wanting to touch the baby's soft skin, but the cold of my skin must have startled the baby. Jacob Mason opened his eyes and it was then that we got our big shock. Jake and I looked at each other and exchanged a knowing look. They were a brilliant emerald green, just like Edwards.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight or Twilight related.**

**A/N: Please read the long authors note at the end of this post and again, thanks for your support.**

**A/N2: This is the t rated version of this chapter. The entire chapter is over on my blog and the various other places I post. Thanks. **

It was two days after the passing of Renesmee Carlie Cullen Black, the same day Jacob Mason made his debut into the world, that a small private ceremony was held with pictures from various scenes of her life depicted and every family member giving their own favorite moments was held. Due to the nomadic nature of our existence, it was decided to cremate Nessie's remains and each of the family, including her son, was given a small portion.

Since Jacob Mason's birth, only Jake had taken care of him with some assistance from Carlisle, Esme and me. Jake didn't want Rose or Alice to get the wrong idea. He would be raising his son. Where he was moving, Jake had not said, but I knew it would be far away from his son's vampire family. Armed with this knowledge, Rose, Emmett, Alice and Jasper scattered to the four corners of the globe to grieve on their own after the service.

Edward held his grandson but there was a barrier up between himself and the boy. I saw it and I assumed the others did as well. He would never let himself love another person as he'd love his daughter. Edward couldn't stand the thought of losing someone else. After the wake, he announced his plans to move to the place he'd found sanctuary, a Tibetan monastery. He knew peace and solitude would be found there and as a small token of his continued love for me, he left me the house.

As he prepared to leave, I brought in Jacob Mason, much to the dismay of Jacob. Jacob knew it was the right thing to do as we all doubted we'd ever see Edward Cullen again.

"I thought you might like to see him, you know, before you left." I walked straight up to Edward and presented the baby, forcing him to look at his grandson.

Edward begrudgingly looked down at the tiny face presented to him. His features softened slightly when he saw his own eyes staring back on him, but that softness quickly faded.

"Jacob's made it clear that he does not intend on raising his only son in a house full of vampires, but I have to wonder if he will make one exception."

I knew what he was implying and I didn't know if I would ever be ready to have this conversation with him but it was coming whether I was ready or not.

"We haven't talked about the future or even tomorrow." My words were the truth. Everything was up in the air.

"Bella, you and I both know that Jacob has never stopped loving you. With Nessie gone and a small child to raise, you are the one he will turn to."

I sat silent, astonished by his candidness.

Edward took his hand and gently caressed my face. "I love you, Isabella Marie Swan Cullen, and I always will but I am setting you free. Free from the guilt of the vows we took and free from the shackles of staying in a marriage when your heart has always truly belonged to someone else. Be with Jacob, raise the child together and be the mother I always knew you could be. I am letting you go with no regrets. The time we spent together was the best and the worst of my existence in this second life, but I was more human than any time before it. You gave me that gift and now that Nessie is gone and you have a chance at true happiness, I send you towards it with my blessing, Love."

"Edward, I don't know what to say."

"Say you will be happy. Do it for Jake, for this innocent child, for me, for yourself but most importantly- do it for Nessie. She gave up her life to give Jacob Mason his and to give Jake his chance at happiness. Don't make her sacrifice be in vain."

"I won't," I vowed.

He hugged me and then bent down to give Jacob Mason a kiss on the forehead. He grabbed his duffle bag, swung it over his shoulder and walked towards the door. Stopping he looked back to me one last time and gave me his trademark lopsided smile, the same one he'd passed on to Nessie, the same one I wished I taken the time to see on my daughter more often. All that was behind me know, he was behind me and I had to move forward and maybe, just maybe my happily ever after was just beginning.

XXX

A few days later, Carlisle and Esme were the last to leave. Carlisle wanted to make sure that Jacob Mason was completely healthy and give Jake a number that he could always be reached. The boy took formula and showed no signs of wanting blood, human or otherwise. It was determined that once a year, near his birthday, Carlisle would come to Jake and examine Jacob Mason and chart all his findings. Jacob Mason was a one of a kind and no one knew what his future held.

After they left, it was just me with Jake and Jacob Mason. I knew he wanted a change of scenery and I was going to sell the house that stored so many painful memories. When Nessie died, something changed with Jake and me though we both ignored it at first, too fearful of opening up and possibly being rejected by the other. All this knowledge brought us to the conversation that altered our lives forever.

One afternoon Jake put Jacob Mason down for a nap before finding me in my studio. It had been such a long time since I'd looked at my photos and sketches. I was staring at the first picture I'd drawn of Jensen, memorizing all the details of his faces for the millionth time. Because of everything that happened with Nessie and the pregnancy, I hadn't had a chance to mourn my own mortality, my other life, and the kids I would never see again.

My body started to tremble and shake, my mouth open wide but no sounds came out. I silently cursed my inability to cry since that was what I needed so desperately. I'd lost all my children, even Nessie and I was truly alone for the first time and that was when I felt his touch and didn't pull away.

It was different than before, his touch I mean. Though there was a discernible temperature and texture difference, it was less repellent, less extreme and more comforting. I silently thanked God for at least giving us a chance even after all of my horrific mistakes and I swore to take advantage of it and make every moment count.

When he pulled me into his arms it was as if I were absorbing his heat taking it inside me and making it my own. "Jake," I murmured into his chest as I wrapped my arms around his waist.

We swayed together back and forth, the strumming of his heartbeat the only sound in the room. The simple fact that we were holding each other and not pulling away felt like a miracle.

"Bells," he whispered as he kissed the top of my head.

"I've lost all of them."

"All?"

"All of my children. I'll never see any of them again."

He seemed to be a little relieved by my words and I was confused until I realized that for a split second he thought I was mourning the loss of the Cullen's in my life.

"You couldn't think I'm upset about Edward and his family leaving, could you?" I had to ask to make sure my suspicions were right. I wanted no misunderstandings between us, not now.

He pulled away and nervously fiddled with the back of his neck. "Well, I umm, I guess a small part of me wondered. I mean, it wouldn't be the first time you went nuts missing them."

I deserved that. Hell, I deserved a lot more, but I would take my lumps and let him vent. There were things he needed to say and I was just going to listen. Instead of berating me or lecturing me on how I'd messed up both our lives, he surprised me.

"Bells, there is so much I want to say, so much I probably should say but in the end, does it even matter?"

"Jake, it's no secret how I much I want to be with you but I also feel like it would be dishonoring my daughter by pursuing my feelings so close to her death."

"I want to be with you too, Bells. Truth be told, I wanted to be with you even when Nessie was alive. Don't you think I've struggled myself with that myself? What is the right thing to do? Do we even know that answer?"

"So where do we go from here? Is it even possible now that I'm a vampire for us to be together, truly be together?"

He reached out to touch me again, holding me close to him. Gone was any needed to keep a defensive wall between us. The pull was too strong to ignore.

"I think you know the answer to that already. The way I'm holding you now and my body's reaction to you being close is not the one of an enemy anymore. It is the one of a man in love. There is no one but me and you now. We don't have to live our lives for anybody but us and that boy in there."

I wanted to believe that it was that easy, that after all we'd been through that this was out time. He sensed my hesitation and said what I needed to hear.

"Honey, I heard what Nessie said to you before she passed. She asked you to be Jacob Mason's mother. He was the most important thing in the world to her so she wouldn't ask you if she didn't want you to be there for him. I loved Nessie, don't misunderstand me. But I never loved her the way I loved, know the way I love you. She knew it and tried her best to be everything for me but how could she when I wasn't whole? You stole my heart like I told you before and never gave it back. Please don't let guilt keep you from doing the right thing now."

Before I could answer, Jake's lips crashed down on my, molding perfectly around my unyielding ones. Oh how I wished my lips could melt into his kiss but somehow, what we had was enough. I reached up, interweaved my fingers in his hair and pulled slightly on the silken strands.

His warm hands were thawing my frozen flesh everywhere they touched. It was almost as if my body came alive under his caress, almost.

I reached up to take Jake's shirt off. For once he had way too many clothes on. No sooner had his shirt hit the floor than Jacob Mason's cries let us know he was awake.

"Ug, seems like the whole world is against us," Jake groaned as he sat back on his haunches.

"No. I think the whole world is finally falling into place. Go take care of Jacob Mason. I'm not going anywhere. We have all the time in the world."

Jake put his shirt back and stopped before opening the door to leave. "You want to help me with him?"

"I'd love to." I replied as I quickly dressed and followed him out the door.

XXX

We didn't make love that day, nor in the next few days that followed. Our time was spent with Jacob Mason mostly, bonding as a family with Jake relinquishing more of the parenting duties to me. Jake and I also slowly acclimated ourselves to one another again. It was different without the others around. We could be just Jake and Bells, two silly kids that fell in love over warm soda and conversation.

One afternoon, we decided to take a long walk by the private lake on the property. I even packed Jake a picnic lunch, though I now knew how freaky it was to sit and watch him eat. Unlike me, he didn't feel uncomfortable in the least. A few decades living with vampires had cured that for him. After finishing his bottle, Jacob Mason feel asleep in his carrier, giving Jake and I time to talk without interruptions.

"The water, the trees… it reminds me of home here," I said.

"It's beautiful and don't get me wrong but there is a huge difference between a lake and the ocean. Other than my family and the pack, that's what I miss most."

"Let's move back west then!"

"It hasn't been long enough, you know that."

"Maybe not long enough to go back to Washington, but there's a whole coastline, Jake." I was getting really excited about the possibilities our future held and the chance to be near the ocean again appealed to me so much.

"I don't want to go to Alaska and I don't think Southern California is exactly your cup of tea, Sparkles."

"Well, we can go to Oregon or possibly British Columbia then. How's your Canadian accent, eh?"

"There was this place that I passed through up in BC that I think would be perfect for us. It's mostly seasonal tourists and if you get an isolated enough place, I think we could stay there for a long while."

"Are we starting high school again?" I teased.

"There is a baby now, Bells. I was thinking we could be a young married couple with their son. I could do some wood working and we could be that artsy fartsy couple, hippies even, that rejected the comforts of the big city to commune with nature. What do you think?"

"About being hippies? I'm all for it."

"No I mean about being a married couple. I guess I'm asking you to start your new life with me as my wife. What do you say, Mrs. Black?"

Oh how the sound of the name almost caused my heart to beat from sheer joy but how could I? I was still Mrs. Cullen, at least according to the law. "But…"

Jake cut me off. "Edward left signed divorce papers with me just in case. I didn't tell you before because I didn't know if you were ready to hear it. So IF that was going to be your argument, you're already on your way to being a free woman. That is unless you DON"T want to marry me." I could see the light dimming in his eyes and doubt starting to creep in.

"NO! I want to be your wife! I want to be Mrs. Black!"

I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him into a passion filled kiss. Only allowing himself to get lost in the kiss for a minute, he pulled back suddenly to look closely at my eyes. He always knew when I was lying or holding back but he saw only the love and commitment I felt for him sharing back.

"It's finally happening," he declared.

"Yes it is."

Our bodies stilled in the water and it was then that Jake's words of everlasting love sprung forth.

As if on cue, tiny cries filled the air from the direction of the beach.

"Perfect timing," I said.

"Perfect," Jake repeated before kissing me one final time. He broke our union and swam towards the shore.

I watched from the water as he pulled Jacob Mason out and quieted him down. He knew instinctively what to do. Jake was born to be a father. The Jacob before me and the Jake from my Leap Day blurred before my eyes because they were one and the same. He was my soul mate then, now and forever. It may have taken lots of mistakes, trails, pain and suffering but Jake and I were finally having the life we were meant to. Come hell or high water, I would never give it up again and until the end of my existence I would love Jacob Black.

**Long A/N: First off, for those of you that were confused, Jake is the father. Edward is the Grandfather, the green eyes skipped down to the baby. Secondly, I am considering Bella's venom. All kisses were "closed mouth" and there was no oral sex between the two… Make sure you read the epilogue to see if I figured something out on how to change that ;-). And lastly, this story was going to be just an angsty one-shot with a not so happy ending. I was asked by several people to give Jake the HEA that he rightly deserves. Since I am a huge Jake advocate, I took this as a personal challenge given the dynamics already set in play with the storyline I had created. I knew there could be no PERFECT ending. Bella was a vamp and I was not going to create some magic potion or cure for her. So the story I created was the best with what I had to work with. I'm happy with the ending and I hope you are too. Though by no means perfect, I assure you, they are happy. At least they are in my head. Thanks for all that stayed for the journey. Epi to be posted very soon that will give you a glimpse into their HEA. **


	9. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight or Twilight related.**

**Epilogue**

**February 28****th****, 2050- 11:59 p.m.**

I watched intently, waiting for the clock to strike midnight. When the number read 12:00, I pounced.

**February 29****th****, 2050- 12:00 a.m.**

"Happy Horny Day!" I giggled.

Jake turned over the bed with a huge smile plastered on his face. He reached out his arms and I slide easily into them.

"I'm glad you let me take a nap. I've got a pretty big feeling I'm going to be UP ALL NIGHT!" Jake boasted.

And up he was. Thank God for wolf stamina.

XXX

This was my seventh Leap Day of not going back. The first Leap Day after Jacob Mason was born I dreaded. It wasn't because I was unhappy with my life, that couldn't be further from the truth. It was because I mourned the loss of Jensen, Lucy, Ava, Journey and Drake. Their loss was as real to me as the death of Nessie and always would be.

By the second Leap Day, my Jacob had figured out a way of helping me cope. We initiated "Operation Horny Day". We'd immerse ourselves in each other so much that I could push those haunting images aside. As with most things, it took time to fully accept and after I'd reached that point in my healing, all those memories brought me joy instead of pain.

Our Leap Days became a time of celebration that started and ended the same way- in bed. Not that I complained. Shortly after Jacob Mason's third birthday and Carlisle's yearly visit, Carlisle contacted Jake and I to inform us that he'd been working on a possible anti-dote for the vampire venom using Jacob Mason's blood as a key ingredient. Since Jacob Mason was part shifter and part vampire, Carlisle surmised that something in his blood must allow the two parts to co-exist within the same body. He asked Jake if he wanted to try it out, but there were no guarantees and it could possibly be harmful. Wanting to be able to live a full life with me, Jake took the risk and met with Carlisle in secret. Thankfully it worked and Jake and I were able to love each other completely and without restraint. It was another miracle bestowed upon us and we were both eternally grateful. Our life was filled with blessings and continued to be on a daily basis.

The first home we made for ourselves was in Bella Coola Valley, BC where we stayed for the first ten years of Jacob Mason's life. We created a magical childhood for him all the while doting on him constantly. He never doubted that he was loved and never wanted for anything, especially affection. Jacob Mason was able to have a relatively normal childhood. Since we lived near both the mountains and the ocean, he and Jake surfed, skied, hunted, fished, and hiked. I even joined them on occasion.

He never showed any sign of blood lust and his growth was only slightly accelerated so we allowed him to go the local school. Jacob Mason was a star in sports, his school work and making friends- much like his father.

Jacob was there for every step along the way, pride beaming in his warm brown eyes. As much as I could, I was by his side. The locals were told I had a rare skin disease that caused me to cover up in the sun. Not that it was all that sunny most of the time, but it was a good cover story.

After a decade, we knew it was time for a change. By now, Jacob Mason towered over his classmates. He was more like a fourteen year old than a ten year old and his maturity was far advanced for his chronological age. When we moved to Coos Bay, Oregon to start the next segment of their life together, Jacob Mason was advanced to high school and we told everyone he was fourteen instead of ten.

Jacob Mason's high school years turned out to be some of our best times so far. He tried out for the football team and easily made first string. His athletic prowess along with his natural good looks and allure made him instantly popular. He was able to have a wonderful high school experience and we were so happy that his shifter nature didn't kick in. His time was filled with only typical high school drama and no supernatural adventures. Jacob and I even took to wearing a little theatrical makeup to appear older to help him fit in better.

Not knowing what his future would hold, Jacob Mason was told of his true nature from an early age. We had no secrets as a family so his decision to forgo college was not unanticipated. What was unexpected was his decision to set out on his own. He was mature beyond his years and felt stifled in a "life" as a third wheel with his never aging parents. As much pain as it caused us both, we understood. We also feared his wolf was growing restless.

Two months after graduation and a visit from Carlisle to give him a clean bill of health, Jacob Mason set out on his new Harley to find his way in the world. Jake and I also took that opportunity to move, this time inland but of course by water. We settled near a little town called Charlie Lake, BC posing once again as a young couple, this time isolating ourselves from much more of the community. With no child in school, our interactions were limited. We estimated we'd stay for five or so years and then move east. Several months after our move, we got an unexpected call that changed our plans.

Jacob Mason had been driving up the coastline along the 101, spending a few weeks here and there, when his life took an unexpected turn.

Unbeknownst to us, he'd taken it upon himself to check out the area where Jacob and I'd lived. A stop at the local Forks coffee shop changed everything. A beautiful doe-eyed girl with black hair and russet skin was working that day and according to the tag on her uniform, Mia was her name. Jacob Mason spent the rest of the afternoon in that coffee shop until Mia informed him it was closing time. Not able to make himself leave, he asked what a good hotel in the area was. Before long, they'd struck up a conversation about how Jacob Mason was exploring some of the places his grandparents were from.

When he told Mia his name, she insisted that the best hotel in area was close to her house. She also revealed that her grandparents ran the place and she could get him a discount. He followed her to the lodge out in La Push and she introduced him to her grandfather, Embry Call. Within three days of being in La Push, the fever set in. That was when I heard Embry Call's voice for the first time in forty or so years.

I immediately gave the phone to Jake and it was decided that we would be going "home". Jake needed to be there and both I and Carlisle were given a pass onto the Rez. Carlisle was brought in because no one knew what effect Jacob Mason's vampire nature would have on him and he needed to be isolated. Four tortuous weeks later, Jacob Mason phased and imprinted on Mia Call, the beta of the La Push Pack.

As far as anyone could tell, the only side effect of his vampire blood was his immunity to venom. Being the son of the true Alpha, Jacob Mason was the biggest, the strongest and by all rights, the rightful Alpha. Several months later, Liam Lahote, Paul and Rachel's grandson, handed over the reins after a traditional fight for dominance.

So that brings me to where I am now. Jacob and I have a cabin in the forest a few hundred miles outside of Forks. We keep to ourselves and Jacob Mason, Embry, and the others visit us. It is too hard to explain how we fit into the tribe anymore. When we need things, we travel to Port Angeles or Seattle to get them.

As far as the future… no one knows because the possibilities are endless but we treat every moment together as a gift, because it is and I will spend the rest of my existence happily by Jacob's side. If ever there comes a day when his heart stops beating, rest assured that I will follow shortly after, one way or another.

**A/N: There it is and I'm both happy and sad to see it end. Thank you all for the tremendous support. **


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